Jan 11, 2012


OK, folks.  I may be paranoid.  Or crazy.  In any case,I am blaming the distraction of menopause for this but I have a nagging worry in the back of my mind that Alzheimer's may be starting.  If so, my plan is to get lost in my own family history and never come out.  

Maybe it's because I only drive the same routes, going the same places, every day.  Maybe it's because the automatic pilot has been handling these things for so long that I should just trust it and build a little bank of extra time into my schedule.  Maybe I got so good at multi-tasking in raising 4 children that certain things have worn a path so familiar that I have no choice but to follow, like a cow will come home at dark, or a dog will know when it's time for you to feed him even though everybody knows that a dog cannot possibly really know what time it is.

At any rate, the other day I was on my way to the Post Office.  I go there every day for work.  I take the same route every day.  I guess my brain doesn't even bother to work anymore on this (and many other familiar and oft traveled) routes every day.

My regular route to the Post Office was blocked by a train across the tracks, so instead of turning I go straight.  This puts me on the path that I follow home every day and noon and again directly after work.  About half way through my route home, I realize that I am headed home when I should be on my way to the Post Office.  This is not really a big deal but it has begun to happen a lot more often lately, and the distraction of menopause is leading to violent mood swings, against myself, mostly shouted loudly in derision of myself, in the privacy of my own car.

I believe that all of this is *normal*.

If you know better, tell my kids, since they are really the ones who will bear the brunt of it anyway.

If you do NOT know better, then please ignore me driving around (seemingly) aimlessly ( I have a plan, I just can't remember what it is every minute of every day!!), and/or the scary expressions on my face while I verbally abuse myself for being an idiot, ask myself what is wrong with me, and bite my own head off for having the audacity to ask me such things.

On days when my route is not varied, I sing loudly along with the songs on my favorite station that features 60's, 70's and early 80's.  Early because the awesome people who program this station do not classify RAP as music, in accordance with my own privately held opinion.  I get especially excited when Jackson 5 tunes get air time.  

And if you are wondering why you never see me anywhere but Wal Mart anymore?  It's because I rarely go anywhere but Wal Mart anymore except for work.  I have to go there or starve.  Everything else either dropped off my normal route or I am trying to get there, probably distracted by a variation in my normal route, and besides, can no longer behave myself in public due to violent mood swings.

And everything will work out just fine.  Shut up.

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These are my thoughts, which sometimes drive me crazy and sometimes keep me sane, but are always entertaining. I call this Lace Your Days With Hope because I can't find enough hope to make an entire quilt out of. Stay tuned, and add your own!