How this world will continue to hold on, with 1/2 of it crazy and wanting to kill the other 1/2 and the other 1/2 unsure of how to go on with their lives, depending on who the new judge for American Idol will be, I really do not know. I just tell myself that God is in control and we are going to have to bear whatever He gives us next, and continue to do what is in front of me. I choose to believe this. Anything less would leave me cowering under my covers, unable to leave my bed. Nice as that would be for me, it would leave a pretty big hole in the world for the people who depend on me, so that is not an option I choose to take.
What is in front of me right now, besides the end of the world as we know it, of course, is the arrival of a new baby. Yes, we're going to have a baby!!!! Well, not "us", exactly, but my bonus daughter, who is the closest I have been able to get to a new baby in a while.
My bonus daughter is due to deliver a new baby girl, if not this weekend, early next week. Poor mama has been walking, eating pineapple, and doing various things that may or may not be superstitious, trying to get this show on the road. So far, the new baby is having none of it. I already admire this new baby's sense of herself. I always do admire a woman who simply refuses to be hurried, as long as she is also able to jump into action at a moment's notice. I don't expect to be disappointed. I just don't. I choose to believe, it's what I do.
In order to prepare, and wait without calling my bonus daughter and driving her stark raving mad with questions, I have had the boys helping me clean, move furniture, wash curtains, etc. The boys are less than thrilled, but I must say, they are big enough now to make quick work of moving furniture. Not to even mention taking down curtains! I guess it's my version of nesting. Or maybe I'm having my own rush of energy before the baby comes. All I can say is that cleaning goes a lot faster with a crew, just in case you are one of those people who plan everything and only want 2 children. It's up to you, of course, but think long and hard about how you are going to get everything done without a crew. My sense is that you will never regret having a crew. Just sayin. hahahaha
Once the crew and I get the house all back together, my bag is packed and I am ready to report for duty. My duty will be the best for my role, I think. My duty will be to go through the early part of labor with my bonus daughter. I am prepared to feed her ice chips, make small talk or make no talk, as I can remember getting extremely rude with my own loved ones (poor dears) in various stages of labor. I am prepared to take hurled abuse without one blink of either of my eyes. I am prepared for all manner of natural bodily fluids to be spewed and think nothing of it. Motherhood prepares you best for this, in my opinion. I am prepared to massage her, balance her on a big ball, walk with her, and wait......wait........wait.......all while appearing as this is just the most normal thing in the world. It actually is the most normal thing in the world, and I am so very excited to get to be involved without being the one having the baby!! I can do this, gladly! Once she gets closer to the actual delivery, I get to switch places with her husband and go home to my sweet little pretend grand baby and spend some time with her and then bring her to the hospital to meet her new sister. Isn't that just the most wonderful thing you ever heard?
I am so honored and happy about this I am just about to burst! I cannot put into words how proud I am of this girl, who is now a wife and about to become the mother of two little girls. She has grown up so much in the last few years that I have wondered at what age we really become adults. It's rarely at 18, I have noticed, it can come as young as 12, too, depending on what life throws at you, but I think it is most often after you become a parent, whenever that may be.
Until then we are hardwired to think only of ourselves, and that is perfectly natural and fine, as long as it's just us. But throw a new little life that you are responsible for, and the growing up starts and probably never really stops. I thought I was grown up after I had my kids, but I have continued to learn and still don't feel like I'm completely done. Maybe we never are. After all, if I was really grown up I probably would have bought a common sense gift of diapers to bring with me, but instead I opted for a LED light with a rock water fountain that will "gently light" the room and changes colors. You also get to hear "the soothing sounds of running water", and it will double quite nicely as a night light. I don't even know who it's for, yet. I guess whoever likes it better, my bonus daughter or my pretend grand baby.
I have listened to my bonus daughter worry about how it will affect my pretend grand baby, when the new baby is here. I have remembered feeling that same way. But now I already know the answer. The answer is that you are NOT taking anything away from the first baby. You are GIVING them the world. Their role in the family and their perceptions of themselves are about to be expanded and varied. And I might add, they are going to be so very proud and impressed with themselves in it. It will build their confidence and bring joy (and irritation) to their lives that will never stop (or will have to dealt with). Of course, sibling rivalry and possessiveness are on their way too, but without these things, a child would never learn a lot about how to get along in the world or how to stand up for themselves, let alone anyone else. Every one's life is about to change, forever, and after this, we will-hard pressed to even remember back before we had this new child in our lives.
I can't wait, but I must. At least a few more days. Just remember, as you worry about the world ending, that there is joy, too, to be found. You just have to find it and nurture it along a little. It may not change a thing in the world, but it can change the way you feel about the world. It can help a lot.
Quick! Go find the nearest baby and hold it, smell it, let your soul feel the peace that comes with that little weight that may seem to be all that anchors you in this messed-up world. Look into it's eyes. Especially with newborns, I always get the strongest sense that they already know everything, without being emotionally attached to this world as of yet. I always wonder how I stack up in their estimation. Of course, I never find out, but that does not lessen the experience that they give me one bit. I think you will feel yourself feeling like maybe you can do a little more, try a little harder or longer, give up and make do, reuse and recycle and all that good stuff. You will feel better and the world, whether you know it or not, will be a little better. If there is a scale for the world, with good things on one side and bad things on the other, the balance will tip with 1 thing. Lots of little good things may help balance out a big bad thing. We don't know. At least, I don't. Just think about that and never give up, because slow and steady has won many races. Probably all of the races that really matter.
Wish us luck and a safe delivery. A speedy delivery would be too much to ask for, no use tempting fate. Everything in it's own good time, as (I think) this new little jewel is already teaching us. We all have so much to learn from her. It will be a wonderful journey, this is what I choose to believe.