Jan 19, 2012

Blindsided by TLC

Before Christmas, one of my oldest, dearest friends stopped by.  At the end of her visit, she and I were at the top of the stairs that lead into my basement, which has become the man cave and where the twins hang out most of the time.  The twins were both at the bottom of the stairs.

She was making her goodbyes when she mentioned something about hoping that Santa came to see the boys.  My youngest baby blurts out "Oh, Santa.....the God of the whores."

Both she and I went very still and very carefully did not look at each other.

I said "What?  What did you just say?"

He repeats "Santa Claus?  Saint Nick?  He was the God of the whores, isn't that right?"

We are still both frozen there, not moving.  Barely breathing.  I am kind of in shock, trying to make sense of these words coming out of my Youngest Baby's mouth while he looks at me with the same expression that he would ask me if I sent lunch  money to school with his brother.

So I say "Can you spell that word?" in a desperate bet that I have heard wrong.

My friend is holding her breathe trying not to laugh or change her facial expression in any way.  Thank God she was the one this happened in front of!  I mean, honestly, when you are a parent you are vulnerable in ways I don't even want to tell you about. They can ruin your life at any moment!!  Your mission (and only hope) is to keep them as ignorant of that fact as is humanly possible.

He could not spell that word, and instead of trying he looks at me as if I am stupid (which, I admit I kind of have to give that one to him), and says, "You know, like women.......?"

I say "WHO TOLD YOU THAT??!!!  And you should never use that word!!"

And he says "I saw it on The Learning Channel!  It was a documentary and it said that St. Nick is the God of the whores because he saved them!"

I do not, at first, believe this.  I accuse them of getting around the controls on the computer.  Both twins insist that this story is true,  Apparently they both watched it but only one was fool enough to open his mouth and reveal what they had learned.  So, I Google it:

And while he is not big on details, he got the gist of it.

Apparently, in Thailand, St. Nick is the patron saint of prostitutes, because he took young girls likely to be sold into prostitution and put them in an abbey instead, where they became nuns.   The moral of the story is that St. Nick is not be confused with the God of the whores.  I won't even offer any guesses as to whom that might be.........  but I would expect he is probably ensconced in Hollywood.  In any case, I expect the prostitutes need all the patron saints they can get.

Just a cautionary tale to any parent still under the impression that documentaries are safe and boring.  It all depends on the interpretation.  You may want to watch with them to clarify points that could be misconstrued.  It could save you a very embarrassing scene that, with any luck, will occur in the privacy of your own house with only your trusted friends as witnesses.

We girls laughed for about 20 solid minutes after this, in private, while we railed equally against the Learning Channel and Thailand, in that order.  Santa was spared any acrimony.

Another memory made!