Dec 15, 2013

This is it!

November 30th
      Thanksgiving at home today with The Rock Star and Rockette, which is what I have dubbed the wondrous girlfriend of my oldest son.  Because she rocks.  Really!  I got up early and got all the stuff out to make bread and noodles.  I got out my sheet, which is the ONLY way to roll out noodles, let me tell you, floured it, got it positioned just so, and then started on the noodles only to realize I was out of eggs.  This is life in menopause.  It's like a combination of ADHD and OCD, for those of you who have grown up with these terms.  For those of you who are older, like me, it's just being constantly distracted by the endless list of stuff that you are under the gun to do by a certain time.  Or, as we grew up the lesson was titled: "Hey, that's life, kid."
     Anyway, a trip to Wal Mart was in order, and while I was there I thought, things like this.
      1.  HEY! Key Lime Pie!!  SOLD!
      2.  WHOA!  Frozen bread!!  Throw it in!!
      3.  OH!  Very expensive flavored coffee creamer!  Y.......No.   Keep moving!  Time is short!
      4.  WAIT!  As long as you're doing frozen bread, why not grab some frozen noodles?  YEAH! (turns cart around, alarms a confused man in front of 47 different varieties of whipped cream.)         And then, the inevitable
      5.  DAMN!!!   OUT OF FROZEN NOODLES!!!!!
      Sigh.  Look of disgust followed quickly by
      6.   GET OUT.  Get. OUT.  Now.

This is a normal trip to Wal Mart for me now.  I've learned to accept it.

The Rock Star and Rockette arrived on time, we had dinner, then he handed me a book.  He asked if I remembered it and of course I did.

He said "I marked my favorite page in it and I want you to read it and see if you remember it."

I was pleased.  I open the book to the page marked.  It is marked with a sonogram picture, and my first thought is "Did I leave that in there?  I wonder which one of the kids this was."

I look at my son, who is standing above me, tall and strong and beautiful, and smiling down with the sweetest smile and his eyes are just...........well, I have never seen that look in those eyes before.  This was brand new.  Tears start pouring out of my eyes and everybody starts laughing and crying and I get up and hug my Rock Star, and then the Rockette, and I am going to be a grandmother, for real, in June.


Our own Little Rock Star!!!

I am so excited to get to witness them go through this Doorway!

I have lived in fear of missing these moments for years.  I have hoped for this child, dreamed of this child, and many more.  I have waited, practiced, honed my grand-mothering skills and let the house go because I know that the house should never, ever, be your first priority when there are children around.  This is the mark of empty, lonely lives, these houses in perfect shape.

I did not choose that path.  I have never had any regrets in that regard either.  If someone writes on my walls, I'm just going to draw a frame around it and note the date.  That's all I've got to say about that.  I think I may even make a part of a wall into a chalkboard, like that crazy-smart Kelsy figured out how to do. :D

I immediately drug them down the "storage room", where recently, thanks be to God for my ADHD/OCD arrangement, I have been tearing through stuff that's been basically thrown in there and forgotten for 12 years.  I stop and cry and sort and throw away, reorganize, and feel like a woman.  It works, on the rare occasion that it happens.  You have to make the crazy stuff work for the greater good.  Just go with it and don't question your first gut reaction.  In this way you will be ready to pull out at least 2 different sets of china belonging to someone in your family, heirlooms, for the wondrous couple who have given you your first grandchild, to pick from.  Christmas present this year!  And how great is that, as they have just gotten a china cabinet for the adorable little home that the wondrous Rockette has already bought and decorated up at her tender age?
   Next  we pulled out the little chest that my own mother gave me and I have never decided what to put on the front panel.  Now my first grandchild will have it's own little chest.  Inside were blankets from all my babies, and baby clothes from each one.  We had the best time standing in that dusty room full of stuff I have either procrastinated getting rid of or couldn't bear to part with.  Sometimes if you put stuff off long enough you find it right when you need it the most.
     Also?  I still have all my mom's clothes.........which The Rock Star actually has kept me from getting rid of twice, in my more brutal moods.  I'm so glad now, because these will make either quilts or bears for all my grandchildren.  I hope there will be lots.  But I'll take whatever I get and I will not complain, oh no.
    I keep remembering this news every few minutes and it hits me anew each time.  This is just like what it was like when I found out I was pregnant, mentally.  They have already heard the heartbeat and seen this little miracle, and I cried when I heard that story, too.  I am, unsurprisingly, over the moon at this news, but have been warned to keep it off FB for the time being.
     Fine!  So this is what I have done instead.  I will just save this up until I can tell the whole world.  I can do that.
     Meanwhile, OCD kicks in and I have to make lists.  For one thing, I have to map out who is who in these two families that make up The Rock Star and list family names.  That should keep me busy for a while.  Also, I think I will go through all my old pictures and make an album for each of my children, which I have the stuff to do and have been putting off for about 6 years.  But I'm ready, see? Procrastination can save you, sometimes.
      The voices inside my head keep asking "What will it be?"  "What will it be called?"  "What will it call you?" 
      The answer to all of these is a constant "Who cares?  AHAHAHAHAHA!  We're having a baby!!!"

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These are my thoughts, which sometimes drive me crazy and sometimes keep me sane, but are always entertaining. I call this Lace Your Days With Hope because I can't find enough hope to make an entire quilt out of. Stay tuned, and add your own!