Oh my dear God.
I just got the dogs fed and my second cup of coffee and went out to my front porch to see how nice it is today. It's been about 50 degrees here and that's about 30 degrees warmer than normal: SCORE!
So I go outside, I drink coffee, I am looking around thinking it's going to be another gorgeous day, and I notice I hear Cardinals making their peeping noise. A lot of Cardinals. I think how cool this is. Before it can cross my mind that the peeping noise is their alarm sound (oh, sweet obliviousness of early Saturday morning!), three of them fly over my house from behind me, all peeping, in the direction of the house across the street. They were beautiful! At this time my face had a smile, and I was thinking what a wonderful way to start the last day of this horrifying but never boring year.
Swiftly following this millisecond of peace, a small hawk flew right after them, two soared over the neighbor's house and on past, but one got caught up under the eave of the neighbor's front porch. The hawk dove right after it. At this point, my face had a horrified, wide eyed stare. I was already telling myself that the hawk was a good, strong hawk, who was just hungry, and his amazing hunting skills were being displayed for me in all their glory, while at the same time the peeping got worse, and that hawk did not kill that beautiful, violently peeping bird for what seemed like a long time, but was probably only about 5 seconds.
At this point my face had a resigned, sad, kind of mad look because I knew the bird was not going to get away, that this was that bird's day to take it's place in the circle of life, but for God's sake hawk, FINISH IT!
The hawk did. I couldn't make myself look away. There was a mantra repeating in my brain that went something like "this is life. this is natural.......this is life.......this is natural........" and that was all.
During this time it occurred to me that I should film this but didn't have my phone with me. During this time it occurred to me that this may be a sign. Of what, I remain unsure.
This is what I have boiled it down to:
1) What you thought was a magical moment quickly turned into a hard but perfectly natural event in the life of any animal, and you were severely disappointed to have to witness it.
2) Illusions have a cost. Not that they aren't worth it, just sayin.
3) Reality must be faced and dealt with. There really is no time off from that. You can run, but you can't hide.
4) I am so glad that this year is over. It has been one violent shock after another, I swear!
I am speaking politically and, I believe, for the entire world, here. Honestly, I cannot ever remember, in my entire life, being sad to see any year go, and that probably says a lot more about the age I am getting to be than my actual life, but I am actually looking forward to 2012.
Whether I am just believing in the illusion that things will get better, or just standing on the cusp of another violent death (metaphorically ((I hope)) speaking) I am ready to get it over with.
Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition, here we go and come what may, 2012 is upon us.
Now I have to deal with the reality of getting in the shower and going out to buy groceries. In between those two things I will probably go over and clean up a bunch of gorgeous feathers out of my neighbor's driveway. Unless the cats in the neighborhood have kicked in by that time, you really can't deny that everything in nature works together for the same good cause.
Let's hope that humankind can find some illusions they are willing to pay the cost for in this coming year.
God Bless us all..........