The End of the Road.............

I am writing this, whether I ever publish it or not, because it's 2 in the morning and I can't sleep.

This has been a very strange year for me.  The highs and lows have been higher and lower than usual and both came at the same time this year in my life.

I knew this year would bring my first grandchild, my own little Charli-girl, and I awaited this birth with what seems to be more excitement than the births of my own children.  I know this can't be true, but when you have your own you are dreading the last step, eager as you may be to get it over with.  With grandchildren there is no dread at all, just eager anticipation for it to happen.  This child has never been far from my mind, since I found out she was coming.  I have, in fact, been waiting for this child for several years before she was a fact in all our lives.

Tonight her mother labors, and her father stands watch, and tomorrow I do believe she will arrive.

The reason I can't sleep has nothing to do with this happy news, though.  The reason I cannot sleep is because in my heart I am sitting vigil for one of my best friends, Lori.  Lori has been fighting cancer for 2 years, and her battle is just about over.  I suppose you could say she lost that battle, but no one who knew Lori will say that.  Lori lost very few battles on this earth and even in this, she decided when she would go.  A more valiant effort I cannot imagine.  No amount of morphine could erase her urge to get up and visit every time I was there.  I would beg her to stay down and just let me rub her feet, but no.  She would insist on getting up, even when she could no longer manage that on her own, and once in the kitchen she would offer me something to drink.  She would ask if I had eaten.  She would then ask about the kids.  No amount of drugs could make her forget her manners.   Lori was a lady, right down to her toes, right to the end.

Many times she has saved me, though she never knew it.  She was the kind of person who did everything "right", whether anyone would ever know or not.  For her pure soul, all that mattered was that God knew.  Like her mother and her grandmother before her, she lived her faith every minute of every day of her life.

It often showed itself in the smallest ways.  I have seen her get fighting mad over a suggestion that she salvage lettuce  that was a little over the hill.  This was absolutely out of the question and the person who suggested that Lori do such a thing was actually glad to drive to town for fresh lettuce rather than face her wrath.  I still laugh and think it served them right.

Whenever I found myself unsure of what to do, say, or wear, I would just pretend I was Lori, and do it the way she would.  She was the kind of girl who did not consider animals less than humans, and treated all souls the exact same way.

 I remember one time going to see her, when she excused herself to feed the dog.  I thought it would only take as long as scooping out a cup of food into a bowl, like I do, but it took longer than that.  When I went to check on her, she was mixing up the food with some scraps, stirring in a raw egg (for the dog's coat) and adding cheese (for extra flavor).  Then she served that dog a meal just the same way she would have served me or anyone else, hoping and watching for signs that it was good.  It was, and I hope you will not doubt my word that even the dog knew Lori was a fine lady, because nobody, even the kindest person on earth (which Lori may actually have been) had ever served that dog a meal like that before.  Sure we feed our dogs, but do we feed them with a flourish?  Every time?  I think not.

Her attention to detail was part of her, and her work ethic was golden.  I don't care if your house, your car, or your self fell apart, Lori would be there.  She would know exactly what to do, how to do it, and how long it would take.  She was beautiful, but never seemed to know it.  She had a spirit that was much bigger than her body, and would crawl under a house to fix a broken pipe or under a car to fix (whatever you fix under there--don't ask me, I am no Lori) without a second's hesitation, and would be happy just to help you.  If she hosted a dinner, the table would be set with special little touches that only Lori would think of.  If someone treated you badly, all you had to do was tell her the story and she would immediately feel outrage and injustice, do and say all the things I wished that I had thought of to say at the time.  She guided me and she comforted me.  We laughed, cried, ran wild, grew up, worried and railed against injustice together for 31 years and I am just devastated that I will be without her physical presence here from now on.  The only time I remember ever guiding her was when her dear sweet mother had Alzheimers.

So even though I sit here crying at 2 in the morning in my son's house, waiting for a baby, I am also sitting by her, in her mother's house, and I am loving her and wishing her a peaceful passing without fear.  I know that her mother waits for her baby to return to her just like I wait for Charli.  I know that Lori will be joyful to see her mom again, and I know that she will always be with me in my heart.  I will miss her terribly but I will see her again. There is very little we haven't weathered together and it is a bitter pill that she will not see my grandchildren the same way she saw my babies.  It was Lori that sat with my mother during The Rock Star's birth, and was there to help after we got home.  Though I feel lost and lonely without those two ladies, I know exactly what to do and they will be ever present in me while I tend to my precious duties.  I will never say goodbye.  There is no need when they are in my heart all the time.

When we met were just teenagers.  We made big plans, as teenagers will.  Some of those plans came true, and some of those plans fell through, and now at the end of this road we have traveled together all I am is grateful.  I sat in the living room watching her in a hospital bed positioned where her mother always kept her quilt rack, and reflected on how I never imagined this, of all the things I did imagine in that room.  You never know what life holds in store, and even though I am happy about that, still I was grateful to be able to be there and lend what comfort I could.

Yes, grateful.  Tonight when I went to sleep, even though I was crying, I thanked God for her life, for letting me be part of it, and for her wonderful family that has been a blessing to me, whether they have known it or not.  The love and devotion, the square jawed, fearless facing of the music, the rock solid faith, the good sense and the bravery of that family, I am so grateful to have known and been a part of.

In the last few months, Lori, the baby of the family, could not have been more cherished.  One day she complained about a tree in her view of the lake behind the house.  One of her brothers promptly cut it down, stacked it for firewood and cleaned up any stray splinters left to mar the grass.  Anything they could cook or buy for her, it was done without a thought.  I am grateful also for those "kids" getting to spend time in the house they grew up in, looking after their baby sister, as a family again.  I cannot even put into words how it makes you feel to see your best friend's brother dissolve his sister's pills in water and tenderly give them to her with a baby dropper, because it hurts her too much to swallow.   Such unconditional love, and done as if it's the most natural thing in the world.  It is, actually, the most natural thing in the world, and I don't know how we forget that.  I hope I never do again.

It is so easy to lose touch when you have your own families and obligations.  Only when death threatens us do we ever get to go back and be just who we are within our own family.  It's a comfort that there is no substitute for, and I know her parents are so very proud.  I know because if you ever mention it,  to any one of 6 children, they will all say the credit goes to their parent and the way they were raised.  And this will just multiply and go on and on, and so shall those of us left here.  For nothing can ever keep someone you love from you, certainly not death.  In fact, Lori has been in my head and my heart for 3 decades, and that will never change, not in this world and not in the next, where I know we will meet again, along with our mothers.

I have felt our mother's both close lately, and it cannot be denied that the portal is open.  I have known for months that this was going to happen.  I tried to spend as much time with Lori as I could, but now that it is imminent and she may need me most, I cannot be there with her physically.  I tell myself it doesn't matter, and I know in reality it does not.  She is well taken care of, and surrounded by her loved ones, and I am there in spirit.  I feel split in two, but I know both our mother's are surrounding us, and our mother's have been together in heaven for a while now, so it feels like we are all together spiritually, even if our physical locations on earth may be far apart at the moment.  Physical locations on earth mean very little in the spiritual world, and God's law reigns supreme.  I know this in my head and in my heart, and I am comforted no matter what happens next because I know God is in control.

When my mother was in Lori's situation, she told me that she asked God to live, but God said no.  She smiled a sad smile and said, "He does that, you know, and all we can do is say Okay, God, I will do what you ask."  I knew it was true, and I accepted it, hard as it was.  I didn't like it, but it was an important step in my life.  I watched her set an example of serenity that I thought I could never follow, but what do you know, here I am, stressed, yes, sad, yes, but also joyful and grateful.  Grateful for getting these two fine ladies for as long as I did.  Losing them could never hurt so bad that I would not be grateful to have had them for as long as I got to.

My advice is this:  Never make the mistake of praying for things you want.  God knows what you want and he is not Santa Claus.  When you pray you should be praying for Him to use you as He sees fit.  Sometimes you have to swallow a bitter pill and just have faith that God knows what he is doing,  If you can't do that then I guess it's easy to see where you should begin.

Tomorrow, those of us left shall take up our crosses and follow Him, and life will go on and we will be better for what we have been through.  We will set our own examples for our children and those around us, in this way we teach what we have learned, and it will multiply.  It will come back to them when it is time, and they will do as their parents taught them, when it is most needed.

There are times in life when you will have something terrible and scary coming right for you.  Plant your feet, set your jaw, and face it head on.  You are not alone, and if it wasn't God's plan, you would not be going through it.  Believe it.  You are not alone, in fact, you are so far from alone as to make that downright laughable.  When you open the door and all you see is black, do not be afraid to take that step anyway, knowing God is there.  He's known black since before there was even light, and He has already taken care of that a long time ago anyway.  There is nothing you can think of that He cannot handle.  Let that be a comfort to you, it has always worked for me.

In a few days I will make that drive again, with nothing but joy in my heart.  Nothing lasts forever, but one thing I know for certain is that you can't make old friends, and they will always be a part of you.

Lori graduated this earth on July 20, at 8 am on Sunday morning.  My uncle John followed her the very next day, and I know our families in heaven are together there just as those left of us here will be together paying them tribute.

Charli Arrives In Her Own Sweet Time.......

July started off with a bang!  Our Charli-girl made her appearance in the afternoon, after two nights and two days of labor, which her mother made look easy.  I do believe epidurals have come a long, long way in the last 20 years.   The rest of us spent a long day of waiting and watching, during which we did not eat, convinced that if we left we would miss everything.  I don't want to assume that she takes after the Beautiful Redhead in making us wait, but she did make us wait and wait we did, as we are wont to do when it comes to our girls.  They are worth it, and we have adjusted.  My Dad had just left in desperation to eat, and made it to the parking lot with my Oldest Baby when I texted him that she had arrived.  He only spent a few seconds deciding whether I could possibly be messing with him before they turned right around and came back to see our baby.

Our world just got smaller and our focus re-adjusted.

This was our first look at her, and our first picture of the new family.

For some strange reason, we could not get The Rockette to look up from that baby.  Which is exactly right.  :D

It's hard to take pictures while you are holding a baby, but if you will forgive my finger, I was gracious enough to stop kissing her sweet little neck long enough to snap this on day 7. Not bad for an old grandma.

Charli is perfect, of course, and the center of our world.  She has hair, which is new to me and I credit her mother for.  She has long fingers and toes.  She has the sweetest little voice, and we all attend her, just waiting for her to make a noise.  She has re-energized all of us.

I recognized those toes, and they got lots of kisses, too.  this is the first song I ever sang to my Charli-girl.  I'm no Elvis, but she has no idea who Elvis is at this point.

How to put into words what becoming a grandmother feels like?  I am not sure I have the right words.  To see your grown son pick a woman that sets your heart at ease is a blessing, and The Rockette has been nothing but.  I offered to go to the house and make sure laundry was done, wipe down everything, etc., just so it would done when they got home and they wouldn't have to worry about silly details like that when they had a new baby to worship.  In doing so I found a peace that I never expected.  The Rockette may be young, but she is an old soul.  She had prepared for everything, stocked up, organized and really there was not much to do.  I cannot imagine that many 25 year old's have prepared for the future like our Rockette.  She even looked glorious after giving birth, a feat pulled off by few indeed.

Can't take my off of you--ooo, You're just too good to be true-ooo.........this was the first song I ever sang to my own Beautiful Redhead.

Our Rock Star and the Rockette have a beautiful and harmonious home.  Charli has 3 cats and a dog, and everyone in that house is peaceful.  Just look at Turkey, the dog, if you don't believe me.  I credited this rescue dog with making The Rock Star a parent years ago.  I believe it kept him from the bar scene that so many young people fall prey to, as he had to get home to take care of Turkey instead of getting roaring drunk every night.  Then he met The Rockette, who was already past that point and has already been such a blessing to our family.  God works in mysterious ways, and I have about given up questioning.  Nothing I ever wanted more in this world than another daughter, and just look how that paid off!

Turkey's not worried.  About anything.  Unless it storms or firecrackers go off.

To know that your grown child has picked another grown child and now have made a family is the best feeling in the world.  I cannot find the words to express the feeling you get when you see your baby hold their own.  You feel relief, you feel so proud, and even though you know many of the things ahead of them, I did not worry a bit.  This may be unique to me, I guess it would depend on the child, but this worry is not mine.  Charli has two good parents.  I have no fear for her future on any account, and I thank God for this several times each day.

Day 1, The Rock Star sees his future.  My heart expanded 10 times it's normal size.

Day 7: There's no place like home.  She looks a lot like her daddy right now.  This child may never get put down until she demands her freedom.  I figure we have a year on the outside.

So now all I have to do is figure out how to live without kissing her at least once a week, or drive a lot.  Obviously my plan is to drive a lot.  :D  I tool around the city now just like I know where I am going, and The Rockette herself has pronounced me a grown up in this.  It's been a while since one so young made me feel proud of myself.  I have the feeling she will guide me in ways I can only imagine at this point, and that is a comfort to me.  My army of wooden spoon-wielding women just got a brand new recruit.  :D  Take heed, world: straighten up and fly right or suffer a blow from a wooden spoon upside "yo haid" .  Don't say you were not warned.

See those fingers?  Nana's piano awaits!

Great Grandad was exceedingly happy.  Talk about redemption!  He cried like a baby.  So did I.  We are cry-ers, we cain't hep it.  We are not ashamed.

And so begins the adventures of Charli.  Some things we will teach her, some things she will teach us.  I plan to hang onto every word she ever says, and I do not believe I am the only one.

There's that wise, unconcerned new born look that always makes me wonder how I measure up.  I will do my level best for good reviews.

Oh, my little Charli-girl, the things we will do........ Stay tuned because we have lots of fun and exciting times ahead.  Life goes on and on, and the twists and turns just keep getting better.  For now, we are head over heels in love and we plan to enjoy the honeymoon phase very much indeed.

In Which I Confront My Fear of Color........

We tore out carpet in the living room and hallway last Sunday.  I am shamed to admit it was Easter Sunday, but that is just the way things worked out.

 Real men at work again.  Man am I ever glad we all survived their early years.......

Our yard hadn't yet been mowed either.  While all the neighbors had beautiful yards and their families over to take pictures in their nice Easter clothes, we were carrying out big wads of carpet neatly duct-taped into rolls and putting it on the curb.  Then, for added fun, while the rest of the neighborhood barbecued, we swept up dirt, using the new snow shovel for a dust pan.  Sigh.  I guess we should just stand behind who are.  We can't seem to change.

We played a fun game called "name that stain" and see the gray stuff?  DIRT!  We wrote our names in it with the shop vac for fun.  I am even kind of proud to report both boys are seriously anti-carpet now.

We had a shower for Charli the Saturday before and it is just the way things worked out.  Sorry neighbors, but I think it cannot be denied that we were certainly in the spirit of re-birth.  The worst and dirtiest early stages, to be sure, but the spirit, undoubtedly!!

               

Is this going to be one lucky child or what??

On the upside, I have never been less embarrassed to invite people into my house.  I just open the door wide, smile, say "Come on in!  Everything is a mess!  Don't take off your shoes!"  I have found it freeing, to say the least.  You would be surprised how nice life is when you quit worrying about how your house looks......and smells.
Actually, I have seen big improvements in both of these areas already.

Me and my girls.  :D

So I have been trying to decide on color for the walls.  I am doing beaded board (fake, cheap, and paintable) half way up, and I am 99% certain it will be a navy blue.  The flooring is in and it will be light.  Kind of gray, kind of honey, the kind of floor that just gives a general impression and light overtone that hopefully no one will notice much at all.  It won't show dirt or dog hair and I may well do my vacuuming with a shop vac from here on out.  Durable, low maintenance, cheap yet homey: this is my goal.  How can I fail?

I was stuck between a navy blue, a dark green and a color called Dark Vermont Currant, which looked to be very deep red or brown, or even purple, depending on what it was beside at the time.  But I think I'm too scared!!  So then I told myself that while you can liberally slop paint all over the floors of plywood now, at least pick a color for the top of the walls.  So I think I did.  For the kitchen I want a soft butter yellow, which is adorable with the navy blue on bottom, and then for the living room and hallway I think I'm going with a color that is called Flying Dove, which is a little blue but really looks like another version of white unless you put the navy blue beside it, and then it looks very light blue.  It all goes together and I'm so tired of trying to decide I'm just going to do it.  Frankly, I have so much stuff that hangs on my walls I am not even sure how much of the top will show anyway.  At the end of the day, I seriously doubt anything I could possibly do will look worse than this.  I mean, come on.  Nowhere to go from here but up!

Seriously, folks, this is the TOP of my wall in the kitchen.  Can you see those stains?  Were they shooting cool aid in water guns or just water?  You decide.  I won't find out for another 6 or 7 years at least. 

This is what we are living with now and to tell you the truth, it simply does not look any worse, and it smells 100% better!!

I could have had all this done this week, easy, but I was terrified of making a choice.  I remembered when my mother was building her house, and she was talking to the wife of the man who made her cabinets.  They were Mennonites, and apparently used colors on all their walls, because she said to my mom, in discussing another house, that their "walls were white, like your people's".  We collapsed in laughter when she reported this to me.

I have been wondering ever since just who are our people, and why are we afraid of color?  I didn't know, so I called my other mother, and we spent the next 4 hours drinking coffee and comparing colors and laying out floor tiles to compare, and danged if I haven't decided now it will be the Dark Vermont Currant on the beadboard.  In a shiny kind of paint, whatever that is called.  I forgot to ask, but it doesn't matter.  That is a detail that I will worry about later, when it's time.  Right now it's time to mud some walls and throw something that goes with it on the top half of the wall before we have to worry about protecting the new floor.

What color?  "Answer cloudy, ask again later".  Ok, that's a Magic 8 Ball answer but it works, and it doesn't really matter that much, because my walls will be full of stuff anyway and it won't show that much.  In the kitchen the walls will be a soft butter yellow that matches the currant color beautifully.  It will probably be a version of gray in the living room and hall, although I did see a kind of paint that included metal that was really pretty.  I liked it but immediately started thinking of all the ways I could mess that up and figured I would spend twice as much when I had to cover it up with white after it didn't work out.  I cannot escape the realism.  I've tried.  I just cast my mind back to the hot glue burns from the handmade Christmas gifts and decided not to go there.

Nowhere to go but up.  I just keep telling myself that.  Stay tuned for improvements as they come.  I'm just going to jump in and keep going, because soon I will have a grand baby to take up my thoughts and my time.  I just can't see the color of my walls taking up a lot of my mind in the future.  I'm very thankful to admit freely that I am just not that kind of girl.  I will be the girl with the gorgeous Dark Currant Simulated Bead Board.  You know, Charli's grandma.

Charli's Magical Talisman.......Updated

Sorry this took so long but I had to figure out how to transfer pictures from my camera to my laptop and man, did it ever take me forever!!  Och!  But I did it.  Once again I have triumphed over technology that seems to be designed to destroy every shred of self confidence I have left.  But I've blogged before about how you should not expect anything to make sense........

Let's get to the good stuff.

Charli's Magical Talisman

Last weekend I loaded the twins in the car and headed to KC to meet The Rock Star, Rockette, The Beautiful Redhead and her smashing boyfriend, and my beloved Bonus Daughter.

The Rock Star and Rockette, Charli's parents.  This child is going to be beautiful!

We only got lost and turned around once, prompting the twins to throw caution to the wind and let their smart phones track our activity down a major interstate against our better judgement.  Good times.  It worked.  Not only did the technology work, but it prompted the twins to work together in tandem, with one watching the blue line and trying to figure out where we were going and the other one announcing where we were going from the googled directions.

Technology succeeded where I have failed many times.

This whole episode disturbed me on so many levels I promptly decided to block the whole thing out.

The Beautiful Redhead and her smashing boyfriend, who I hope she keeps.  I wuv him.

Luckily my bonus daughter, who keeps me on track (on the off chance that I am ever ON track) called to check on me.  Her wonderful husband talked me through yet another panic attack wherein I back-tracked for 15 miles and then let him convince me I was right the first time.

  Again.

This man has the patience of Job, and knowledge of all major thoroughfares of the greater Metro area, for which I am grateful.

We had a wonderful lunch, with only one little, our own Rosie- Pose, who looked at us suspiciously.  I promised her that her mother wasn't leaving and she seemed to relax.  :D

Practicing for the very very near future.

The Rock Star and Rosie charmed each other in equal measure.

I have to say she is very well behaved and did not even make very much noise.  I held out till we had eaten before I had to hold her.  That is very good for me.  Usually I cave right off and we all wear some food home.  I'm getting better.

This face has only been in my life for 17 months but I can't remember life without her.  Kids perform that neat trick all. the. time.

Then it was back to the house for the fun stuff!!  I told you I would figure out how to do this, and I did.  First simply go to Amazon.com and search for "crystal window hangings".  This will lead to maybe several hours sifting through great bargains and there is simply no telling where you might end up.  Have fun.  It's one of those things where you go into the zone, which we never, ever, feel until we start coming out of the zone and realize several hours of our lives have passed.

It happens.

No judgement here. 

Don't feel bad if you get lost in the possibilities.  What else are you supposed to do when there are still 3 long months until you get to hold your baby?

Pick the cheapest, fakest ones you can find, because weight will be an issue unless you want to hang a rod holder for these babies, which we did not.  The sun shines through them all just the same and I wanted good coverage, as this was a western facing window.

I used 25 for a 32 inch window plus one biggie for the middle.  I couldn't resist.  I'm glad I didn't, too.

That is the middle stone, with purple and teal blue stones stacked on top.  The picture doesn't do it justice, but it is well worth the 19.00 I paid for it. I highly recommend these for Christmas presents for the person who has everything.  Give the rainbows, says Melinda.  Rainbows every day!

How could that be bad?

We chose to simply put a tension rod (under $5) across the middle of the upper half of the window.  There are no frames around their windows, the windows are just set into the wall.  We did not want to drill extra holes in the plaster around, so we did went with this arrangement.  You could also lower the blinds if you wanted to so that the crystal hanging would always be exposed.

What a good looking man, if I do say so myself, and handy with tools, which is invaluable.

All the beaded strands came with little circles at the top, so it was simply a matter of choosing ribbons to hang them on and tying knots.  Even I could not mess that up!

It was as easy as anything I have ever done.  I'm avoiding hot glue since Christmas.......:D

The ribbons at the top really added a pop of color.

The Rockette picked three ribbons, a sheer light blue, a satin coral, and a trim in white with small flowers embroidered in pale colors. I just bought the whole little rolls of the ribbons for around $15.00. As the walls are a pretty purple already, the other colors really popped.

Isn't it great?

It didn't even take that long, but it was a good time with just "us girls" whispering and giggling while the boys watched basketball....or something.

I readied the window she will look out of.  The window where she will only see beautiful prisms of light emanating from, every afternoon and evening of her life.  She will think that is normal, that the world is a beautiful, light-filled place.  It is!  Oh Charlotte Marie, you are already so loved.

It's every bit as gorgeous as I thought it would be.

It was so good to see my children as grown-ups, with houses and significant others, forming new alliances.  It had been a long time since I had been in a group of people where the sexes separated and bonded.  For so long it's been me just being the mom and then just being the kids.  Finally I felt like just another member of the family instead of the head of it.  It was a great relief, and a lot of fun, to see my kids and their partners finding their footing with each other.  Secrets were shared, bets were placed on brackets, *some* teams were ridiculed.  I watched my Mizzou daughter's eyes light on Charli's embroidered PURPLE AND YELLOW (I cannot same the name, I'm sure if you are a sports fan you understand this) minky blanket and determinedly keep the smile on her face.

I couldn't help but smile.

Change is good.  And inevitable in life.  So she was going to have a niece from Kansas.  She had not yet thought of that, I could tell.

Watching her brother, and probably marveling at how they ever got this old......This is it!!  The Beautiful Redhead is about to be an Aunt!  And who knows what will happen next?

It didn't even take very long.  We should probably all have at least one of these.  I think it could only add to our lives, no?

And so another project found on Pinterest has led me to figure out how to do it myself.  Am I the only one who saves a bunch of pictures, only to find out they lead nowhere when I try to go to the site?  Ah well, not to worry.  We are Americans, and we are nothing if not determined and self sufficient.

Always leave a place better than you found it.

Check.

And so we settle down to wait, just a little longer.  Almost everything they really need is assembled and ready.  There are showers to look forward to, storage areas to be organized and miracles to look forward to.  I can almost guarantee there will *possibly* heated arguments about what need there is to keep every box of every accessory they get.  Compromises will be reached.  Adjustments will be made.  

I used to think the Rock Star's father was unique in this aspect of keeping empty boxes, but I have lived long enough to find that it seems to be a man thing.  At any rate, it's a Rock Star thing, and he will be ready, apparently, to box any item right back up and take it back, even if it's a baby bed.  Seriously, I do not think they can help it and it is actually just exactly like us saving empty jars and toilet paper rolls for crap that looked like a good idea at the time on Pinterest!!  It's just the way it is.

  Rockette, I give you this advice if you will accept it now:  just accept the empty box thing until he forgets about it.  Then hopefully you can tear them down and dispose of them without his noticing, at some date far in the future, when it won't matter anymore.  I should not tell you this on the internet but I know for a fact that this is the method used by numerous generations of women before us.  Honestly.  Because we know that those items will break right after the warranty is up, right?  And even if he was moved to box it back in it's original packaging, said packaging would be gross and covered with mouse or bat poop or something by then, right?  I know, I know.....ssssshhhhhhhhhhh.  Just bide your time and always keep a box cutter in the kitchen junk drawer, man, I have it on good authority this is right and proper.

The next three months will be a bit more pleasant with the prisms floating and spinning around this room, I hope, as her mother dreams of her.  I hope she will lay in that room, watching the rainbows, and talk to her baby girl, and not be anxious about the unknown, or scared of pain.  I hope she feels peace and has faith that her body will perform perfectly, the way it was made to, and look forward with joy to that day.  Those prisms will light the way for Charlotte to find her way home.  I hope this always hangs in her window, where ever she may be, filling her life with light and beauty from her earliest memories.

Another family tradition.

This one's for Charli, with all our love, from her grandmother and her great-grandparents.

UPDATED:  The Rockette sent me these pictures.  It's working just as I hope it would.  Who would ever want to leave this room?

This is the wall right above her bed.

Even the ceiling gets the effects!!

Talk about being in your own little world......Just goes to show, all Pinterest projects do not end in tears and burned fingers.  :D

Every Name Has A Story...And Every Story Has A Name....

Once upon a time, a couple named Melinda and Tom were expecting a child.

Melinda was certain that the child was a boy, and Tom had yet to be convinced of her certainty, so two names were needed.  The girl's name was easy, as girl's names almost always are.  The boy's name was a point of contention for months and months and marked Melinda and Tom's first epic battle.  It was one that would live in infamy and the very best of all their epic battles.

Melinda wanted to name a boy Noah.  "No, no, no to Noah!" Tom would say.  

"But it's from the Bible!" Melinda would plead.

"It's too weird.  No, no, no!" Tom would insist.

Tom wanted to name a boy Charlie.  "Sorry, Charlie," Melinda would say, rolling her eyes for good measure.

"Charlie's a good guy.  Everybody likes Charlie," Tom would wheedle.

"Charlie is a guy who sits around at the garage chewing, spitting and talking about people, in overalls."  Melinda would not budge.  (and Melinda freely admits she likes guys named Charlie, and means no offense, but this was her first child and come on, really.)

They went to see a movie one day called Parenthood.  There was a little girl in this movie, and you never heard her name until almost the end of it.  "Come here, Taylor, you're ears are ready", said Mary Steenburgen, and Melinda and Tom looked at each other and light bulbs came on over their heads.  

"Taylor"..........they rolled it around for only about 20 minutes, noting that 'Taylor' could be a boy or a girl.  Also, in the year 1989, they knew no one with this name, so it came with absolutely no preconceived notions.  (Sadly, this would change very quickly.  Parenthood was a big hit and it spawned Taylor's of both sexes in proliferation, and to date you cannot be in a crowd of 20 people without at least one Taylor.  So much for a unique name, but them's the breaks).  

And so the epic battle ended, and peace reigned throughout the land for a time.  The battle had ended, but the story remained, and was told and re-told down throughout their lives, with wry humor and grudging respect.  You can say a lot of things about both Tom and Melinda, but you will probably not ever hear anyone say either one of the them are weak.

The years passed and one day Taylor met a girl named Mardi.  There was a special light around the new couple, and Melinda was certain they were going to have a baby, but Tom was still yet to be convinced of her certainty.  So she just waited.  She had years of practice and had perfected the keeping her mouth shut part.  :D

Sure enough, within 2 months of Melinda's making the statement, Taylor and Mardi announced coming of THE FIRST GRANDCHILD.  This was it!  There was laughter and tears, at the same time, and rejoicing all around.  The story of naming Taylor was told for Mardi, who had not heard it before.   Everyone settled in to wait and see what would happen next.  

What happened next was finding out it was a girl.  More rejoicing though out the land, with lots of shopping for hats and tiny little bonnets and well.........everything.

The day came when a decision had been made to name our baby girl.  We all waited with hope and not a little trepidation, because you know how crazy names have gotten.  Kids these days.......etc.  But whatever name they picked, I had resolved to love.  What's in a name?  I would comfort myself with this phrase, knowing that once I saw that baby, the name would come to seem the most natural thing in the world.   Whatever they called this girl, I was going to love her more than anything.  I already did!  We all braced ourselves.

Taylor said, "Well, you know the story of when you and Dad were going to name me Charlie........."  and my heart burst with love and pride.  We may not have stayed married, but we kept the narrative of being parents, and a family, unbroken through thick and thin, to emerge dirty and battle-worn, but unbroken and victorious in the end. 

We all said yeah......

"Well", and Taylor and Mardi are looking at each other with love and complete confidence and joy, excited to be revealing this secret, "Mardi loved that story so much, and we wouldn't use it for a boy" this with his eyes directed at me, "but we absolutely love it for a girl.  So we pretty much decided that day on the way home that if it was a girl, we would call her Charli".  This was met with joy and laughter.  "And the whole name is......"  We all stilled and waited,   

"Charlotte Marie Clark.  Charlotte so we can call her Charli, and Marie for Mardi's grandmother."

And the family rejoiced, in relief and anticipation, for now our girl had a name.  A name unique, for personal reasons that could never be replicated.  A name that honored both sides of this new family.  A traditional and dignified name.

A family name, one that had endured for 24 years even though no person had carried it.  Melinda and Tom's first epic battle had served as a touching stone and waited until just the right time to be bestowed upon the child of the child that they were merely speculating on all those years ago.  The child they decided to name in a dark movie theater in the middle of a normal afternoon after months of fighting about it.

Things have a way of working out.  You should always choose to have faith, because faith is a choice.  Also, you should keep in mind that these things take time.  Not all of them take 24 years, it is true, but you never know the "when" until it happens, as it surely will.  When it does, it seems like the most natural thing in the world.  Do not sell it short, ever.  Take it from one who knows.  Wink wink!

And in the end, Tom got his Charli, and no one was happier about that than Melinda.  Once again, peace reigned throughout the land.  A land that would never be the same without their Charli girl.