Nov 9, 2011

And the pendulum swings back.....

Today I was blessed with an upsurge.  Whether of hormones or hopefulness I cannot say, but hey, an upsurge is an upsurge, aye?  I always try to enjoy them, and they don't come along like they used to.  When they do come along these days, I say Tally-Ho!

Today I woke up to big, flat flakes of snow falling.  It was beautiful.  For the first time in years, well, at least a year, I was excited when I woke up the boys. 

 "Look outside!  Hurry!  You don't want to miss it!"
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing!  Hurry!"

And just like that, we were all not only up, but completely awake and happy, looking forward to the day.  By this afternoon it was beautifully sunny and not freezing.  A lot of the leaves are still on the trees and it was just beautiful.  The leaves have really taken their own individual sweet times this fall and I for one have enjoyed them IMMENSELY.  Also, it has conveniently made putting off raking more leaves easy, since they haven't all fallen yet and you'll just have to do it again.  *wink wink.

So tonight, having been in a mood to shed stuff anyway, I am going to drag out the Christmas decorations, and maybe put up some lights that can go as well for Thanksgiving.  

"The lights!! THE LIGHTS!!!  YES!"  That's the person inside my head, who cheers me on and keeps me on track.  Sometimes they are a bitter, jaded, sarcastic but realistic person that makes me laugh and rail against fate simultaneously, but not when it come to lights.  The other side of the coin in this person is that they also get up and twirl around (inside my head) and stuff, getting me excited enough to get up off the couch, put down my book and take up hammers and staple guns and do.......stuff!  I would take up a lot more than that but I can't afford power tools.  So sometimes I bake stuff instead.  There is no telling where this enthusiasm will take me at any given time,but here, on this day, the enthusiasm is for lights.  Which will segue nicely into the holiday season.  Which is upon us.

The lights always help.  I put up some inside also.  For some reason being in my warm house when it's cold outside, sipping a hot drink, baking, tending my home fires is SO MUCH more enjoyable with low lighting in the form of pretty little twinkling lights.  I'm going to pour some Kahlua in some coffee, finish making my list, listen to the music I love the most, and start wrapping what I've already got.  This is doubly exciting because I will be able to skip the step of hiding these things, guaranteeing me being able to skip that particular, horror-filled, terrifying step!  WIN-WIN!!

I can do this.  I can even enjoy it. 

I will journal about it and then, when the pendulum swings back into the dark, cold, please just let me go to bed and stay there zone, I will be able to remember this time, these feelings, this day and all that it included.

The older I get, the more I realize what a gift having your parent's words after their death is.  It's a gift that we, probably naturally, do not think about.  I have always kept a journal.  Many have been burned, you understand, but I finally got to a point where I didn't feel bad anymore about how I felt.  If, on the chance that someone read those words and got hurt by them, well, those words were not meant for your eyes and sorry as I am that you got hurt, you brought it upon yourself.  So be it. And now I feel just great about it.  Of course, now I live with people who respect other people's privacy.  It could be coincidence.  Whatever. 

I still keep my journals.  There my children will find the "real" stuff.  Hopefully when they need it.  

I often give journals as gifts, especially to new mothers.  I tell them that now their real life begins!  I encourage you to keep one, even if you only put in it what you want your children to know someday.  

If nothing else, it will be a load off your mind in anticipation of the day when you will no longer be with them.  Do it for your peace of mind.  Do it so you won't forget.  Do it for yourself.  Do it just to keep an accurate record.  The worth of an accurate is above rubies.  

You really are worth it.

And now, get ready for the holiday season and all the flour, sugar and twinkling lights that you can cram into it.

Here is one of my favorite songs that fits just such an occasion as tonight.  Enjoy!