Prayers

Jan 19, 2011

Parking Lot Compulsions

Update on not smoking.  I feel so much better it is hard to explain.  My joints literally feel lighter and do not ache so much.  I also have rhuematoid arthritis, which always bothers me more in the winter, but I feel better than I have in years.
Yesterday a friend called me and asked me if I would bring her cigarettes on my lunch break, as she was stuck in the house.  There was no way I was going to go anywhere in this town and buy cigarettes after all this!  I laughed.  LAUGHED, and told her that I had a pack in my purse I had been carrying for security and I felt able to let those go now.  That worked.  And I didn't have a panic attack.  This marks the first time in roughly 26 years that I have not had a pack in my possession, in fact, within 10 feet of my person.  You can take a few years out of that 26 for pregnancy.  For some reason the minute I became pregnant I could smell like a bloodhound and never had the least bit of trouble throwing them away.  That sense of smell was more a burden than a blessing most of the time, but I think God gives you that so you can be a good mother.  It does gradually fade, though.
So I guess I'm on the road to replacing my addiction to smoking with an addition to eating candy. 
Last night I started picking up candy and ended up with 4 bags of assorted goodies in my basket along with the dogfood that I went to the store for.  I was trying to come up with a plan of how to hide all this crap from the kids until I could get it to work, and I sat there and ate a huge candy bar (chocolate and toffee on sale for $1.29).  While I was sitting there in the parking lot, in my warm car, in the dark, I remembered some talk show I saw years ago on compulsive eaters.  They cried about how embarrassing it was for them to go through drive-thru's (because they did it several times a day) and how they would drive around and park in parking lots to eat the food because they were too ashamed to let anyone see them eat.
I knew just how they felt.
I wondered if there were any in the parking lot that had cigarettes.......I had some good stuff to trade......
Then I just separated out all the candy and tied it up and put it with the bags of stuff ready for the Salvation Army the next time I go, and went home.
Stay tuned for how to deal with acne in your 40's so that it doesn't interfere with wrinkle solutions. 

I got a couple of paper cuts on the pads on my fingers yesterday.  Not enough to bleed but enough to have a perforation in your skin that you almost break open anytime you pushed on anything.  It makes me shudder to even type that.  I really, really hate paper cuts like that.  I would rather it just go ahead and make a cut and get it over with.  I keep a some New Skin in my desk for just such emergencies.  It is like super glue and works really well.
When I got home I grabbed what I thought was my bottle of New Skin at home and reapplied some to one of my fingers.  I thought it burned quite a bit worse, but it dried and I went on with my night.  Before bed last night I noticed that it was all white and weird, so I went and got the bottle.  I had put Compound W on my papercut instead of New Skin.  Great......I tried to pick it off and it almost took my skin off with it. 
These are the things that I do and don't even know it for hours.
Distracted?  Well, just intensely multi-tasking is the way I would put it.