ARG! It's cold, wet and windy again. The dead limbs are blowing out of the trees. The leaves are piling up. And I have raked, blown, and burned twice already.
It makes me wish I had a roaring fireplace and a hot toddy.
Not really.
I don't even know what a hot toddy is, and the closest I ever got to a fireplace was a wood stove, which I loved dearly for the heat --but the cleaning involved! Not really worth it. Just my opinion. You can't beat the heat but the clean up never ends. Nevah!.
This morning the wind blew my umbrella wrong side out.
It's dark when I get up and will soon also be dark when I come home.
I hate this time of year.
It's like being trapped in a dream ( of lethargy and apathy) unable to move (not that you care) while the whole time you can see Christmas (AGGG! SCARY CHRISTMAS!!) bearing down upon you.
I wish I was a bear.
Mostly for the hibernation.
OK, completely for the hibernation.
Also, they give birth to their cubs while they are hibernating. After they have pigged out all summer and gotten really fat and soaked up all the sun and summer breezes. Their cubs are born the size of walnuts.
I think I could handle that.
I know I could handle that.
Bears have good lives. The rest of us have Christmas.
Can you tell I hate this time of year? Nothing against Christmas but it's the pressure.
The cleaning, the cooking, the hiding, the wrapping, the trying to figure out where you hid it so you can wrap it. The not being able to stay in bed all day.
The getting sidetracked in the crap that's been in boxes in the basement for the last 20 years while you look for the stuff that you bought and hid away. You think you remember buying it. You meant to buy it. Maybe you forgot that too. Maybe you dreamed it!
GREAT! Now you don't have what you thought you had, or maybe you DO have it, but you just can't find it. At any rate, it's just like the dream. You know have to get busy, and yet you cannot move, frozen in dread.
Every year I start in on my Christmas shopping only to realize that I need extra stuff for the Rock Star because his birthday is Dec. 1.
I do not forget this. NO! I don't.
I remember it but forget to get a gift bought.
Then, once I start buying every body's Christmas, I remember that his birthday hasn't happened yet, that I have simply been working ahead on that blasted list in my head.
And I skipped a step. An event. An event that needs a gift to accompany it. That's when I have to take a couple things out of the Christmas stuff for the birthday gift.
Because I looked over it in the pressure of Christmas. Looked over, you understand?
Not the same as forgetting. Not. the. same.
And then he, poor first born child that he is, is short a couple of gifts for Christmas.
Why am I (and all mothers, I believe) obsessed in keeping everything strictly "even"????? Because it's right, that's why!!!!
This is just one reason to keep some extra gifts around. The Home Shopping Channel is great for these. Buy cheap anonymous stuff that would work for practically anyone by the hundreds, just don't forget where you put them.
Last year I got him a crock pot.
Sad, I know.
Even sadder? .............He liked it. That's how old and responsible he is now.
My little boy is gone. Now I feel like crying. Maybe it's the weather. Maybe it's the menopause. Maybe it's just that I'm not a bear.
I have to go dig my Kahlua out of the closet, pour some into a cup of coffee (that's as close as I get to a hot toddy), and surf the net for great deals with no shipping. This is my life. Eat your hearts out, bears everywhere.
Why do I keep my Kahlua in my closet, you may ask? Well, ever since I found the Crown frozen in the freezer that's just the way I do it. My liquor is now on the top shelf in an old purse, behind my memory book from high school.
And yes, I know Crown doesn't freeze. Unless you add water to it.
When boys are about 13 they don't think too far into the future, which is both is both their blessing and their curse.
Ok, my blessing. Their curse.
It could be worse. The other day they asked me if you smoked or snorted weed. They both graduated from the Dare Program. No comment on what they learned in it, but at least you can see why I do not just go to bed this time of year, much as I think I deserve it and would LOVE to.
I have liquor to to guard and presents to find. I think......
I hope I have enough energy for the next few years. I do not think they are going to include much sleep.
It's that time of year. Again........Yawn. Hang in there.
Nov 1, 2011
Respect: I Miss It!
This is a rant. This is also my departed mother's birthday. Perhaps that is why this hit me so hard. This is always a hard day for me. That's all the apology I will offer up.
Today, I took a call at work. It was a concerned daughter calling with very bad news about her father. She was calling her ex husband, out of a VALID concern that her children would hear this bad news on the STREET, through the GRAPEVINE, and she wanted to stop this from happening, as they would be unprepared for it, and there is no GOOD way to hear that kind of news, and she wanted to come from a parent.
Now, I don't what the ex husband said before he left, but I sat the rest of the afternoon and watched gossips pass this information around, even calling people at home to alert them. I mean honestly!!
I am not trying to take anything away from people who are genuinely concerned.
FYI: People who are genuinely concerned call the PERSON involved, not EVERYBODY ELSE.
I do not know whether the children heard it on the street, but it certainly is a possibility with the way people hurried to pass the news around. Perhaps you have never had to deal with the GRAPEVINE when someone you love is sick. If so, YOU ARE BLESSED. Know it! Take a moment and thank God for your blessing.
A great deal of people have genuine concern and sorrow. Then there are the people who come to see your loved one only to rush off with the latest story of how bad they look, or how bad they are doing, what a shame it is for poor _______. This makes the sick person's family want to go on a rampage where tongues are cut out. Yep. It does.
Dealing with a loved one who is facing death is heart rending enough without having to deal with all the stories that get repeated and distorted along the line. This is the one aspect of a long illness no one ever talks about. Indeed, a lot of people don't even think about it. It's like a secret club. The only people who dare to speak of it have been through it already.
I once thought I was going to have to get into a throw down at Wal Mart with one of these people, who kept insisting they just wanted to come "one more time", "to say goodbye", when my mother had already drawn the line on visitors and I know for a fact that all he wanted was the story because in his small little mind, he could use that story as currency at the local restaurant. I didn't have to get into a throw down with him, but let me tell you, I would have gladly grabbed a bat and busted his head with no thought for the charges that would have no doubt been filed against me. And he would have had it coming, if you ask me. I could have taken my chances with a jury in Linn Co. and probably gotten off.
With that said, take a moment and think before you pass on gossip. I don't care if it's true or not. Any kind. Take one moment and consider the privacy of the family. There might be people they would like to be notified first so that they don't hear it on the street. They might want, oh, maybe 1 day, or two, to deal with bad news privately, as a family. They might not thank you for spreading their sorrow before they have had time to wrap their minds around it. They might even not consider it any of your business to even know it, let alone spread it around as fast as possible. They might not thank you for throwing it in their face as soon as you see them when it's all they can do to get their god forsaken groceries bought without crying. They may have trained themselves to only cry in their car, because it's the only privacy they have where they will not upset their children.
Your words have power. They can cause hurt that you may never know about, but can never make up. I once watched a movie called DOUBT that had a scene where a woman confessed to gossiping to a priest. He told her to take a feather pillow to the top of her building, slit it and let the feathers go and then come back the next day. When she came back the next day she said she had done as he instructed. Know what he said then? He told her to go gather them all back up again. In other words, there was no way to take back what she had done, no matter how hard she might try. It was a quite brilliant movie, I thought.
It's not like everyone isn't going to find out anyway. It's hard enough without having to make sure you have your "game face" on before you leave the house.
If you are really CONCERNED, have some RESPECT.
I don't think some people even know what respect is. They certainly do not seem to have any respect for themselves.
Much hurt is done with gossip. It seems to be the one sin no one ever feels bad about or any need to feel contrite for. Think about that for 1 minute. And in case you are under the impression that you are looked up to because you told it first? Not exactly.
Everybody already knows exactly what you are.
Today, I took a call at work. It was a concerned daughter calling with very bad news about her father. She was calling her ex husband, out of a VALID concern that her children would hear this bad news on the STREET, through the GRAPEVINE, and she wanted to stop this from happening, as they would be unprepared for it, and there is no GOOD way to hear that kind of news, and she wanted to come from a parent.
Now, I don't what the ex husband said before he left, but I sat the rest of the afternoon and watched gossips pass this information around, even calling people at home to alert them. I mean honestly!!
I am not trying to take anything away from people who are genuinely concerned.
FYI: People who are genuinely concerned call the PERSON involved, not EVERYBODY ELSE.
I do not know whether the children heard it on the street, but it certainly is a possibility with the way people hurried to pass the news around. Perhaps you have never had to deal with the GRAPEVINE when someone you love is sick. If so, YOU ARE BLESSED. Know it! Take a moment and thank God for your blessing.
A great deal of people have genuine concern and sorrow. Then there are the people who come to see your loved one only to rush off with the latest story of how bad they look, or how bad they are doing, what a shame it is for poor _______. This makes the sick person's family want to go on a rampage where tongues are cut out. Yep. It does.
Dealing with a loved one who is facing death is heart rending enough without having to deal with all the stories that get repeated and distorted along the line. This is the one aspect of a long illness no one ever talks about. Indeed, a lot of people don't even think about it. It's like a secret club. The only people who dare to speak of it have been through it already.
I once thought I was going to have to get into a throw down at Wal Mart with one of these people, who kept insisting they just wanted to come "one more time", "to say goodbye", when my mother had already drawn the line on visitors and I know for a fact that all he wanted was the story because in his small little mind, he could use that story as currency at the local restaurant. I didn't have to get into a throw down with him, but let me tell you, I would have gladly grabbed a bat and busted his head with no thought for the charges that would have no doubt been filed against me. And he would have had it coming, if you ask me. I could have taken my chances with a jury in Linn Co. and probably gotten off.
With that said, take a moment and think before you pass on gossip. I don't care if it's true or not. Any kind. Take one moment and consider the privacy of the family. There might be people they would like to be notified first so that they don't hear it on the street. They might want, oh, maybe 1 day, or two, to deal with bad news privately, as a family. They might not thank you for spreading their sorrow before they have had time to wrap their minds around it. They might even not consider it any of your business to even know it, let alone spread it around as fast as possible. They might not thank you for throwing it in their face as soon as you see them when it's all they can do to get their god forsaken groceries bought without crying. They may have trained themselves to only cry in their car, because it's the only privacy they have where they will not upset their children.
Your words have power. They can cause hurt that you may never know about, but can never make up. I once watched a movie called DOUBT that had a scene where a woman confessed to gossiping to a priest. He told her to take a feather pillow to the top of her building, slit it and let the feathers go and then come back the next day. When she came back the next day she said she had done as he instructed. Know what he said then? He told her to go gather them all back up again. In other words, there was no way to take back what she had done, no matter how hard she might try. It was a quite brilliant movie, I thought.
It's not like everyone isn't going to find out anyway. It's hard enough without having to make sure you have your "game face" on before you leave the house.
If you are really CONCERNED, have some RESPECT.
I don't think some people even know what respect is. They certainly do not seem to have any respect for themselves.
Much hurt is done with gossip. It seems to be the one sin no one ever feels bad about or any need to feel contrite for. Think about that for 1 minute. And in case you are under the impression that you are looked up to because you told it first? Not exactly.
Everybody already knows exactly what you are.
Oct 28, 2011
Karma, baby!!
There is no escaping it, not for any of us.
I hope you've read my post on Feminism. It mentioned Madonna's influence on what an entire generation of near sighted, admittedly self-medicated women decided to call "liberation". Where all you ever had to think about was yourself and what you felt like at that very moment. You were worth it.......etc. Not to look at it as a systematic destabilization of the world as we knew it, but as blazing new paths into the world of working, and leaving your children with, well, your mother. Or someone. Someone you would pay to watch your children so you could get a job and make some money.
Shortsightedness is the first thing you give up when you become a parent. Also, selfishness, sleep and gray areas, but I'm wandering again. These things will be stolen from you in the night when you sleep. You don't even realize they are gone until you start to throttle someone who doesn't sterilize the pacifier/bottle/toy properly before they give it to your newborn baby. And it only gets worse from there.
I hope you've read my post on Feminism. It mentioned Madonna's influence on what an entire generation of near sighted, admittedly self-medicated women decided to call "liberation". Where all you ever had to think about was yourself and what you felt like at that very moment. You were worth it.......etc. Not to look at it as a systematic destabilization of the world as we knew it, but as blazing new paths into the world of working, and leaving your children with, well, your mother. Or someone. Someone you would pay to watch your children so you could get a job and make some money.
Shortsightedness is the first thing you give up when you become a parent. Also, selfishness, sleep and gray areas, but I'm wandering again. These things will be stolen from you in the night when you sleep. You don't even realize they are gone until you start to throttle someone who doesn't sterilize the pacifier/bottle/toy properly before they give it to your newborn baby. And it only gets worse from there.
I, being just a little younger than Madonna, was over her after I tuned into her HBO Special for her Blonde Ambition tour. I had just become a mother, and found myself, for the first time, on the side of the "parents" instead of the "children". It was horrible, but it was also one of the necessary steps into parenthood.
Even though I only had an infant, I could not abide having him in the same room where an American woman would subject her viewers to simulated ( I think it was simulated) masturbation, let alone accept the fact that I would pay to see it. Frankly, I simply didn't feel that I had ever done anything to deserve being treated in such a way. To take that thought just a bit further, I was hard pressed to imagine what could have happened to Madonna in her life that would make her have to stoop to such levels. I knew her mother was dead, but still wondered what kind of family would be able to brazen this kind of thing out. It cannot be denied: no matter what they had or had not done within their family, it didn't look good. I pitied them. I pity them still.
Consequently, it was also the end of my HBO subscription. I've never looked back. I don't spend a lot of time doing that. It's kind of a rule of mine.
I couldn't help but share this, which caught my eye today:
Now, I can vividly remember learning that Madonna was pregnant. I was standing in Trenton Missouri's Hy-Vee and saw it on a magazine cover. I immediately laughed out loud. The lady in front of me, a stranger, looked around to see what had caught my eye and we had the funniest conversation about how poor Madonna was probably frantically trying to buy up copies of books, magazines, CD's, you name it, in preparation for becoming a mother. "How would you explain that??!!" we howled. The clerk chimed in that there was no way she would ever get it all back.
Obviously, that was true. What she did instead was try to isolate her children from the world.
When I think of her these days, I wonder if, like all parents, she thinks far enough down the road to wonder at what kind of positions her own children will put her in? How much responsibility does she take for the world they live in? I pity her. I pity them. The circle is complete, but circles never end.
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