IF
....You spend most of your days trying to focus on "important" things, but can no longer remember what they are,
You MIGHT be going through menopause.
IF
...You can't sleep through the night anymore, but frequently drop off when trying to pay attention to "important" things,
You MIGHT be going through menopause.
IF
...You brush your hand lightly along your porch rail and instead of getting a splinter, the tiny piece of wood gives you a long scratch that bleeds,
You MIGHT be going through menopause.
IF
...You cry uncontrollably for two days and a night when someone you only knew slightly but you saw them every day and you cannot for the life of you figure out why this has hit you so hard, let alone how to explain it to the poor confused man who shares your life,
You MIGHT be going through menopause.
IF
...You see some teenager with her boobs flopping around exposed, pushing a baby carriage with a newborn in it up to the park at 9:45 pm and are (almost----SO FAR!!!) completely taken over by an urge to stop your car, slap the girl, and steal the baby,
You MIGHT be going through menopause. *OR, you might just be a good person. I'm cloudy on this one myself and have had these urges WAY longer than I thought I might be going through menopause.
IF
...You keep candy around and sneak around to eat it and then carefully hide the trash, and THEN lie to your kids about having it,
You MIGHT be going through menopause.
IF
...You spend your days looking for stuff you believe you have lost, only to get side-tracked by cleaning out a drawer that has needed cleaning for the last----9 years or so, and end up only looking through your baby book,
You MIGHT be going through menopause.
IF
...You often fantasize about being a superhero with the power to seal people's mouths shut,
You MIGHT be going through menopause.
IF
...You openly talk to yourself out loud, and instead of being embarrassed when someone else hears you, you give the old evil eye, as if YOU are offended that they are eavesdropping on your conversation,
You MIGHT be going through menopause.
*and then you can't remember where you were in your "conversation".
IF
...after years or decades, of politely turning away Jehovah's witnesses and those poor lost souls who only want to clean your carpets for free, and NOW you just slam the door right in their faces,
You MIGHT be going through menopause.
I even waved on a kid I knew selling "magazines" the other day. I think all they do is get your information and sell it another 5500 times. But that could just be me. In any case, the chances that I will ever want to spend money on trash to throw away are very, very slim indeed. Give it up, public schools everywhere or deal with us menopausal women who are in no mood. Your choice. Consider yourselves warned there, too.
I am still looking forward to the hot flashes, despite being warned by wise women to be careful what I wish for. I have not experienced night sweats, as of yet.
On the other hand, my skin is completely different, always scratched or bruised but it won't tan anymore.
I am oddly empty of tears most of the time these days, except for the days I can't stop them from coming, and then I am hard pressed to find a reason for them! Usually this happens after a young girl has cried for what I consider no reason and am mystified that they could be so emotional. I think God does this to me on purpose, for obvious reasons. How quickly we forget!
I find it hard to sit through the parts of the news that don't interest me or depress me too much to stick around for the weather report. I hesitate to mention that I rail against meteorologists who get it wrong, but I used to. Now I only watch the amazing Katie Horner, who is kind enough to cover our area even though it is 250 miles away from her, and is extremely accurate. Word. Channel 5 Kansas City.
I sit down to watch a movie with my kids and I end up asleep. They don't even mention it anymore and often I wake up to find them gone and the movie still playing. This is the exact situation, reversed, in which I used to leave them once they went to sleep for a nap. I find the irony comforting. I am reaping what I have sown.
I verbally abuse drivers who do not use their blinkers. WHAT IS SO HARD ABOUT THAT ANYWAY??!!! I mean, the turn signal is about the ONLY thing they have never changed the position OR the mechanics of in my whole life. There is just no good excuse for it and people should be more self aware, otherwise they *may* get rammed for their own good one of these days. I try to hold off but even I give in to temptation sometimes. And folks, I am getting more unpredictable. Consider yourselves warned.
The thing that is working for me, and take this advice at your own risk, is keeping my mouth full. That way I am less likely to speak. This was advice given to me by another woman who had been down this road already. It was solid gold, if you don't mind wearing elastic waisted pants. I am getting there.
I am currently down to three pairs of jeans that "fit" me, but I haven't totally gone "street rat crazy" on anybody.
*Lately.
**Not counting that telemarketer from India who I enraged enough by asking him if he believed in Jesus to make him call me approximately 47 more times whispering Allllllllllaaaahhhhhhh. Not a good move, if you value a telephone that doesn't ring unless it's a legitimate call. But strangely emotionally satisfying to know that finally YOU are under THEIR skin. Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord. (Throws back head and laughs a long, satisfied laugh).
Living, still leaning, and still trying to keep my mouth mostly shut. Or at least full of candy.
Also, interested in finding a cute little NO SOLICITING sign to save the innocent from the long walk up my driveway.
Apr 19, 2011
It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World......
A look at the headlines today:
Kids will no longer be able to participate in "dangerous games" such as Freeze, Tag, etc. From NY:
l/Freeze-Tag-Red-Rover-Deemed-Dangerous-in-New-Summer-Camp-Regs-120195644.html
Shakes head and mumbles about a new trend toward the "art of manliness".......fantasizes about getting rid of adults who have such idea's with a deadly game of Red Rover. Tells self to get a grip. Takes deep breath.
Here's something different: The Feds are trying to get Blago to shut up. BWAHAHAHHAHAHAHA.
http://www.nbcchicago.com/blogs/ward-room/Prosecutors-Attempt-To-Shut-Blago-Up.html .......Wonders at the incompetence of Obama to even be a thug. The Clinton's would have had this guy knocked off and all his computers stolen a LONG time ago.....well, whatever comes for this guy, I 'm sure he has bought and paid for it.
Looking further, a Texan reporter apparently not only asked Obama a serious question (the nerve!), but expected him to answer it! This is actually worth seeing
http://www.politico.com/politico44/perm/0411/nobody_interrupts_potus_480c750d-358b-487e-8416-24b1e907c727.html
. And I believe it. Kind of embarrassed (for our country) at how much of a whiny crybaby it makes O look like, though. Asks God to continue to bless Texas, expecially with the undeclared war in the streets down there on the border........which nobody ever seems to want to report or talk about.
and finally: for the cherry on top of this crazy sundae:
Instead of getting a grip and stopping these insane searches by the TSA, Congressman Jason Chaffetz is drafting legislation that will require parental supervision during the pat-down of a child. In other words, he thinks that making even more rules for patdown's will help.
http://www.heraldextra.com/news/local/govt-and-politics/article_12628220-caf9-568a-9f6b-c84b3745d119.html
Airlines clearly do not get it. Stop flying while we still have some rights left or we will be standing in lines for the rest of our natural born days.
I wish there was still land left undiscovered and the idiot population hadn't grown quite so fast. But here I sit, right in the middle of all of this. Is it any wonder I don't want to leave my house anymore???? It makes me wish for the old days, when men were men, war was war, and nobody would have ever patted down a child for anything, let alone cried over a game of Freeze or Tag.
When I say real life is beginning to resemble The Invasion of the Bodysnatchers, I am telling the truth.
For a light ending, let's look at this. It's no less depressing or stupid, but it is kind of funny.
Some people in FL spent $14,000 on 6,000 capes(like Superman wore) for the unemployed. If you are wondering why they would do that, or what good a cape would do an unemployed person, you are not alone. I, too, wondered the same thing.
"Workforce Central Florida Director Gary J. Earl defends the program, saying it is part of a greater effort to connect with the community."
Does that clear it up for you? Would wearing a cape like Superman make you feel more connected with the community? NO?????
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20110419/ap_on_re_us/us_capes_for_the_unemployed
Me either.
Meet you at the funny pages the next couple of days, huh?
Kids will no longer be able to participate in "dangerous games" such as Freeze, Tag, etc. From NY:
l/Freeze-Tag-Red-Rover-Deemed-Dangerous-in-New-Summer-Camp-Regs-120195644.html
Shakes head and mumbles about a new trend toward the "art of manliness".......fantasizes about getting rid of adults who have such idea's with a deadly game of Red Rover. Tells self to get a grip. Takes deep breath.
Here's something different: The Feds are trying to get Blago to shut up. BWAHAHAHHAHAHAHA.
http://www.nbcchicago.com/blogs/ward-room/Prosecutors-Attempt-To-Shut-Blago-Up.html .......Wonders at the incompetence of Obama to even be a thug. The Clinton's would have had this guy knocked off and all his computers stolen a LONG time ago.....well, whatever comes for this guy, I 'm sure he has bought and paid for it.
Looking further, a Texan reporter apparently not only asked Obama a serious question (the nerve!), but expected him to answer it! This is actually worth seeing
http://www.politico.com/politico44/perm/0411/nobody_interrupts_potus_480c750d-358b-487e-8416-24b1e907c727.html
. And I believe it. Kind of embarrassed (for our country) at how much of a whiny crybaby it makes O look like, though. Asks God to continue to bless Texas, expecially with the undeclared war in the streets down there on the border........which nobody ever seems to want to report or talk about.
and finally: for the cherry on top of this crazy sundae:
Instead of getting a grip and stopping these insane searches by the TSA, Congressman Jason Chaffetz is drafting legislation that will require parental supervision during the pat-down of a child. In other words, he thinks that making even more rules for patdown's will help.
http://www.heraldextra.com/news/local/govt-and-politics/article_12628220-caf9-568a-9f6b-c84b3745d119.html
Airlines clearly do not get it. Stop flying while we still have some rights left or we will be standing in lines for the rest of our natural born days.
I wish there was still land left undiscovered and the idiot population hadn't grown quite so fast. But here I sit, right in the middle of all of this. Is it any wonder I don't want to leave my house anymore???? It makes me wish for the old days, when men were men, war was war, and nobody would have ever patted down a child for anything, let alone cried over a game of Freeze or Tag.
When I say real life is beginning to resemble The Invasion of the Bodysnatchers, I am telling the truth.
For a light ending, let's look at this. It's no less depressing or stupid, but it is kind of funny.
Some people in FL spent $14,000 on 6,000 capes(like Superman wore) for the unemployed. If you are wondering why they would do that, or what good a cape would do an unemployed person, you are not alone. I, too, wondered the same thing.
"Workforce Central Florida Director Gary J. Earl defends the program, saying it is part of a greater effort to connect with the community."
Does that clear it up for you? Would wearing a cape like Superman make you feel more connected with the community? NO?????
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20110419/ap_on_re_us/us_capes_for_the_unemployed
Me either.
Meet you at the funny pages the next couple of days, huh?
Apr 16, 2011
Sweet Nothings
Me, putting my makeup on while the Cyclist stands beside me looking through his phone for a picture: "MY GOD! Have you seen these dark circles under my eyes?!!"
Without looking up or missing a beat, the Cyclist replies "They are beautiful. I look forward to seeing them every morning."
Good answer, aye? This is just one of the joys of dating when you are older. I guess I can say we are dating. Whatever it is, we've been doing it for five very happy and hardly ever dramatic years.
Once, after we had both been diligently working on trying to get a piece of Saran wrap unstuck for 15 or 20 minutes, I said "I miss seeing more than just about anything, don't you?" and he looked me straight in the eye and replied "Huh?" because another one of those joys is that the men usually can't hear about half of what you say. This can be a wonderful thing, considering that half of the things I say either don't really matter in the first place or are statements that could lead to deep conversations which men don't really enjoy to begin with. Also, you can get them to agree to things that if they had heard you right to begin with, they would probably never have agreed to in the first place. This only works as long as they are still pretending they can hear, though.
Sadly, the Cyclist and I have now passed that point. We now negotiate like professionals.
For example: The Cyclist asks what we are going to eat. I give him two options (no more than two or it will take forever) like spaghetti or tenderloins. If one of the choices involve getting out of the house and going to the store, the other choice is the obvious winner, since neither one of us likes getting out of the house, let alone going to the store.
Should he pick the choice that involves going to the store, I will resist that choice. He will offer to drive me to the store, picking me up and waiting at the curb, but will refuse to get out of the car to go into the store. I will finally agree to go into the store. This has become our habit. Why he would agree to get out of the house long enough to get into the car and back out again, but refuse to go into the store is beyond my understanding. I would never agree to that because it makes no sense to me. To me, it would be easier to just do it myself. This has become our routine and I just accept it. I enjoy the curb service, and I have the strangest feeling that I may have agreed to something I "thought" he said.......
Without looking up or missing a beat, the Cyclist replies "They are beautiful. I look forward to seeing them every morning."
Good answer, aye? This is just one of the joys of dating when you are older. I guess I can say we are dating. Whatever it is, we've been doing it for five very happy and hardly ever dramatic years.
Once, after we had both been diligently working on trying to get a piece of Saran wrap unstuck for 15 or 20 minutes, I said "I miss seeing more than just about anything, don't you?" and he looked me straight in the eye and replied "Huh?" because another one of those joys is that the men usually can't hear about half of what you say. This can be a wonderful thing, considering that half of the things I say either don't really matter in the first place or are statements that could lead to deep conversations which men don't really enjoy to begin with. Also, you can get them to agree to things that if they had heard you right to begin with, they would probably never have agreed to in the first place. This only works as long as they are still pretending they can hear, though.
Sadly, the Cyclist and I have now passed that point. We now negotiate like professionals.
For example: The Cyclist asks what we are going to eat. I give him two options (no more than two or it will take forever) like spaghetti or tenderloins. If one of the choices involve getting out of the house and going to the store, the other choice is the obvious winner, since neither one of us likes getting out of the house, let alone going to the store.
Should he pick the choice that involves going to the store, I will resist that choice. He will offer to drive me to the store, picking me up and waiting at the curb, but will refuse to get out of the car to go into the store. I will finally agree to go into the store. This has become our habit. Why he would agree to get out of the house long enough to get into the car and back out again, but refuse to go into the store is beyond my understanding. I would never agree to that because it makes no sense to me. To me, it would be easier to just do it myself. This has become our routine and I just accept it. I enjoy the curb service, and I have the strangest feeling that I may have agreed to something I "thought" he said.......
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