I'm baa-aack

With warmer temperatures (sometimes), we have moved outside and been working on the yard.  Specifically raking and burning leaves and whatever the dogs have reduced to small foreign objects.  Mostly limbs out of trees.  The other night the wind was blowing pretty hard and blew a pretty big limb out of a Pin Oak. The dogs ran over joyously, treating that limb like the gift from God it probably was, and reduced it into about 9 smaller twigs within 40 minutes.  Really.  For this reason I have also been playing a lot of Pick Up Sticks.  I have reduced my love handles to the point of being able to get my pants buttoned again.    YES!  Not that I really mind being bigger, but I can't afford new jeans AND gas, so I had to make a decision.  I decided, as is my habit on High Energy Days, to HIT IT!  After a couple of days spent picking up sticks in my yard, my body now feels like Arnold Schwarzenegger's looked like in the 80's (note the emphasis on the feels  and the absence of the word "looks"). 

THIS IS WONDERFUL!! 

It was starting to really get to me, and just when we can no longer wear sweaters.  I hate it when that happens. 

I have stopped making my way steadily through bags of candy, at least temporarily.  One thing that I should mention, and this is a safety warning:  Do not buy Crystal Light hard candy.  Thinking this would save on calories, I bought a bag of them.  These candies have 1/2 of what looks like meant to be a hole like a Life Saver, but the hole only goes half way. 
Listen to me when I say that this CAN cause the candy, when you suck on it, to adhere to the roof of your mouth in a manner that feels pretty danged permanent, necessitating you to use your finger to try to break the suction, directly after which the candy will zing to the back of your throat, choking you in an embarrassing manner, should you be unfortunate enough to be in a public place.  Maybe even if you are alone in the privacy of your own home.   I was at work, and I hate to admit it, but this happened to me several times.  It seemed such a waste not to eat it when I already had them right there.  So, for what it's worth, beware the Crystal Light hard candy.

In other news, I have had to have a conversation with my youngest baby that included the phrase "No, dear, you cannot start dating when you are 13 years old."  I am baffled as to why in the world I would have to say that.  If you were thinking the world has gone crazy, I can only say that I think you would be correct.  I also would like to note the big sigh of relief from my oldest baby after I uttered this phrase, followed by the words "Why can't all parents be as strict as you?"

Yes.

I swear it is the truth.  The odds of a child expressing appreciation for the strictness of a parent, at 13 no less, are infinitely small.  I am going to have to remember it for a very long time and so have now documented that it does happen. 

Who says God doesn't answer prayers????

My only reply was "I have no earthly idea, honey, but all I have in this world that means anything to me is you kids, and you are not going down the wrong path on my watch", said with a smile and a pat on his leg as we drove down the road.  It was nothing but the honest truth, and I have the feeling we will be coming back to that conversation again, perhaps several times.  I won't go into what else I said but it involved anatomically correct words and my two babies begging me to stop. 

It went as well as can be expected. 

Any parent worth their salt is relentless.  Believe it, know it, live it. 

SSSSSTEAM HEAT

I am finally better.

Yesterday I went to work and blew my nose continuously until it was time for lunch.  I drove straight to Wal Mart and perused the pharmacy for some kind of something to make it stop.  It was just a bad cold, and there is really nothing you can take to "cure" that, so I opted for my old favorite (although not the same now) Alka Seltzer Plus Day and Night package and a new bottle of the generic equivalent of Vic's Vapor Rub.  Since I was there I also got a loaf of Rye bread, to make more of those wonderful grilled cheese sandwiches.  I was relieved to find it because Sunday I went to both stores that we have in town and neither one of them had any Rye bread left.  I can't explain why the Super Bowl would be a reason for both grocery stores to be cleaned entirely out of Rye bread, but I'm sure that one exists. I am less certain that it can justify the fact that I had to get out twice in terrible weather while I was sick as a dog to finally obtain some.

Once home I ate lunch and prepared my potion.  I called work and told them I was getting ready to take cold medication and I was pretty sure I was going down for the count, I would try again tomorrow.  I'm pretty sure they spent a good 1/2 hour Lysoling down the office, and more power to them, says I.
I did not waste any time choosing between the Day or Night type, as the thing I've always liked best about Alka Seltzer Plus is the fact that it all knocks me out like a light.

I smeared the Vapor Rub all over my chest, nose and lips, plugged in the vaporizer, positioned a box of kleenex and a trash can in the right places, crawled into my wonderful bed, and knocked back the potion.  It was bad.  It always is.  I only use the smallest amount of water I can to make it a smaller amount.  Drinking it counts as a sacrifice in itself, one I was happy to make.  It worked like a charm and I am happy to say that I slept for 4 hours.  Then another two.  Then, after getting up to do supper, I went back to bed about 8:30 pm.  I woke up without a runny nose.  This could very well have just been the limit to the runny nose.  Three days solid.  I went through a box of Kleenex each day. 

On vaporizers, I use the old kind.  The ones with actual steam.  Mine even has a little place scooped out that is specifically for you to put Vapor Rub in so that it will send it's penetrating steam all over the room.  It is worth more than gold to me, because you can't get them anymore.  Years ago somebody decided you shouldn't use those anymore, you should use cool mist instead.  I don't know who it was, but I don't think it was anyone who had tried a cool mist vaporizer.  When I heard it, I politely looked at the ground and said nothing.  The same way I did when probably that same person decided it was bad to feed babies before they were 6 months old.  I looked at the ground and said nothing because I thought it was the polite thing to do.  I grew up with steam vaporizers, and had been slipping mashed potatoes and gravy to small babies for DECADES at that point.  So had everyone I knew.  I hoped "they" wouldn't embarrass themselves too bad, because the fact was that everyone knew better than that.

I have never changed a thing, but "they" change their minds every 5 years or so.  I don't think most people pay them much attention either. But there seem to be some that don't have any common sense at all.  I wonder who raised them.  I'm afraid no one did.

And I am wondering if it wouldn't have been quicker and easier to call "them" on this kind of crap the first time I heard it.  Maybe we all should have?

I leave you with this clip of Georgette from the Mary Tyler Moore Show singing Steam Heat.  It was the one and only time they ever let her be the least bit sexy on that show, and it's from a time that I miss.  A time that did not seem so conflicted.  At least not to me.  I was, like, nine years old, but still.  A time when there were still adults in charge.  Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sVrC6o9sEcU