Anticipation....

Regardless of recent world events, this is not a post about anticipating the end of the world.  I know, that's a surprise, isn't it?  Well, the way I look at it, if the world ends, it will be God's will, and the end of the world will find me steadily doing what I believe is right and true for me to be doing.  And who can do better than that?  What better way to go?  I can't think of a better way, so bring it on.  Whatever will be, will be.

How this world will continue to hold on, with 1/2 of it crazy and wanting to kill the other 1/2 and the other 1/2  unsure of how to go on with their lives, depending on who the new judge for American Idol will be, I really do not know.  I just tell myself that God is in control and we are going to have to bear whatever He gives us next, and continue to do what is in front of me.  I choose to believe this.  Anything less would leave me cowering under my covers, unable to leave my bed.  Nice as that would be for me, it would leave a pretty big hole in the world for the people who depend on me, so that is not an option I choose to take.

What is in front of me right now, besides the end of the world as we know it, of course, is the arrival of a new baby.  Yes, we're going to have a baby!!!!   Well, not "us", exactly, but my bonus daughter, who is the closest I have been able to get to a new baby in a while.  

My bonus daughter is due to deliver a new baby girl, if not this weekend, early next week.  Poor mama has been walking, eating pineapple, and doing various things that may or may not be superstitious, trying to get this show on the road.  So far, the new baby is having none of it.  I already admire this new baby's sense of herself.  I always do admire a woman who simply refuses to be hurried, as long as she is also able to jump into action at a moment's notice.  I don't expect to be disappointed.  I just don't.  I choose to believe, it's what I do.

In order to prepare, and wait without calling my bonus daughter and driving her stark raving mad with questions, I have had the boys helping me clean, move furniture, wash curtains, etc.  The boys are less than thrilled, but I must say, they are big enough now to make quick work of moving furniture.  Not to even mention taking down curtains!  I guess it's my version of nesting.  Or maybe I'm having my own rush of energy before the baby comes.  All I can say is that cleaning goes a lot faster with a crew, just in case you are one of those people who plan everything and only want 2 children.  It's up to you, of course, but think long and hard about how you are going to get everything done without a crew.  My sense is that you will never regret having a crew.  Just sayin.  hahahaha

Once the crew and I get the house all back together, my bag is packed and I am ready to report for duty.  My duty will be the best for my role, I think.  My duty will be to go through the early part of labor with my bonus daughter.  I am prepared to feed her ice chips, make small talk or make no talk, as I can remember getting extremely rude with my own loved ones (poor dears) in various stages of labor.  I am prepared to take hurled abuse without one blink of either of my eyes. I am prepared for all manner of natural bodily fluids to be spewed and think nothing of it.  Motherhood prepares you best for this, in my opinion.   I am prepared to massage her, balance her on a big ball, walk with her, and wait......wait........wait.......all while appearing as this is just the most normal thing in the world.  It actually is the most normal thing in the world, and I am so very excited to get to be involved without being the one having the baby!! I can do this, gladly!   Once she gets closer to the actual delivery, I get to switch places with her husband and go home to my sweet little pretend grand baby and spend some time with her and then bring her to the hospital to meet her new sister.  Isn't that just the most wonderful thing you ever heard?

I am so honored and happy about this I am just about to burst!  I cannot put into words how proud I am of this girl, who is now a wife and about to become the mother of two little girls.  She has grown up so much in the last few years that I have wondered at what age we really become adults.  It's rarely at 18, I have noticed, it can come as young as 12, too, depending on what life throws at you, but I think it is most often after you become a parent, whenever that may be.

Until then we are hardwired to think only of ourselves, and that is perfectly natural and fine, as long as it's just us.  But throw a new little life that you are responsible for, and the growing up starts and probably never really stops.  I thought I was grown up after I had my kids, but I have continued to learn and still don't feel like I'm completely done.  Maybe we never are.  After all, if I was really grown up I probably would have bought a common sense gift of diapers to bring with me, but instead I opted for a LED light with a rock water fountain that will "gently light" the room and changes colors. You also get to hear "the soothing sounds of running water", and it will double quite nicely as a night light.  I don't even know who it's for, yet.  I guess whoever likes it better, my bonus daughter or my pretend grand baby.

I have listened to my bonus daughter worry about how it will affect my pretend grand baby, when the new baby is here.  I have remembered feeling that same way.  But now I already know the answer.  The answer is that you are NOT taking anything away from the first baby.  You are GIVING them the world.  Their role in the family and their perceptions of themselves are about to be expanded and varied.  And I might add, they are going to be so very proud and impressed with themselves in it. It will build their confidence and bring joy (and irritation) to their lives that will never stop (or will have to dealt with).  Of course, sibling rivalry and possessiveness are on their way too, but without these things, a child would never learn a lot about how to get along in the world or how to stand up for themselves, let alone anyone else.  Every one's life is about to change, forever, and after this, we will-hard pressed to even remember back before we had this new child in our lives.

I can't wait, but I must.  At least a few more days.  Just remember, as you worry about the world ending, that there is joy, too, to be found.  You just have to find it and nurture it along a little.  It may not change a thing in the world, but it can change the way you feel about the world.  It can help a lot.  

Quick!  Go find the nearest baby and hold it, smell it, let your soul feel the peace that comes with that little weight that may seem to be all that anchors you in this messed-up world. Look into it's eyes.  Especially with newborns, I always get the strongest sense that they already know everything, without being emotionally attached to this world as of yet.  I always wonder how I stack up in their estimation.  Of course, I never find out, but that does not lessen the experience that they give me one bit.  I think you will feel yourself feeling like maybe you can do a little more, try a little harder or longer, give up and make do, reuse and recycle and all that good stuff.  You will feel better and the world, whether you know it or not, will be a little better.  If there is a scale for the world, with good things on one side and bad things on the other, the balance will tip with 1 thing.  Lots of little good things may help balance out a big bad thing.  We don't know.  At least, I don't.  Just think about that and never give up, because slow and steady has won many races.  Probably all of the races that really matter.

Wish us luck and a safe delivery.  A speedy delivery would be too much to ask for, no use tempting fate.  Everything in it's own good time, as (I think) this new little jewel is already teaching us.  We all have so much to learn from her.  It will be a wonderful journey, this is what I choose to believe.

The Secret Of Life.....

I suppose that there as many 'secrets of life' as there are people, but for me it is learning to live in the moment.  One thing about getting older is you feel you have seen or heard about pretty much everything before, and you also know that most of the time, people will live through it and life will go on.  

I find it quite wonderful to be the one to say "There, there, dear, these things happen", rather than to be the one bawling and squalling and at the mercy of all the hormones running mercilessly through your body, along with the tears that seem to be your constant companion throughout your 20's and 30's.  I remember it as being just exhausting, even before I had children.  I must say, I do not miss it.   I find it quite hilarious to remember what I thought I needed to shield my mother and grandmother's from when I was younger.  As if they hadn't walked down that same road at least once and probably several times before.  What a waste!  It is the blessing and the curse of youth that one can be so self absorbed and completely unaware that it has all happened a million times before.  Well, they will learn.  A lot of it will happen to them, and they will live to tell the tale.  Not to anyone who will want to hear it, alas, but then that is what blogging is for.

This is what makes me glad to just be here, now, most of the time.  It was the lesson I learned while my mother was preparing to leave this earth.  When you find out that you ( or a loved one) have terminal cancer, and it's the worst thing you could possibly imagine, and you try to wrap your mind around that, you might think you would lose your mind.  You might wish you would lost your mind!  But no, you wake up in the morning and the world goes on.  You slowly come to realize that what is needed now is not frantic activity, but simple appreciation of the fact that you are alive today and look outside!  See what God has given you this day!  Feel the soft breezes, listen to the birds, the beauty of snow in sunlight can be mesmerizing.  It should be mesmerizing.  Whatever is going on in the world is going to continue, but so will the soft breezes, the birds, the snow and the sunlight.  This was my lesson and it became my mission for the rest of what remains of my life.  The trick is to appreciate what you have right now.  Spend time with quiet, and let yourself listen to God.  You might be surprised how much He will talk if you will just be quiet and listen to Him.  Talk about having seen it all before, you may have no idea....

I am back to regular life now that Abigail is gone this week.  My house is decidedly quiet with just two teenage boys, who keep looking around and letting the dogs in, as if it just seems wrong without someone to snuggle up with you.  It is wrong.  The dogs are in heaven.

I was thinking of all this last week, since I was on vacation with a 3 year old, I even took a vacation from the news.  I turned my back on it.  Was not speaking to it.  Did not care what happened.  You want to know why?  Because several times when I lost myself in such trivial details as cutting an orange into an even and perfect 8 slices, the sweetest little girl would come up and kind of melt into me, and say "Mimi?"

"Yes, my angel baby?"

" I luff you", she would reply, and I would lean down and swoop her up into my arms and I would rock her. She loves to rock, always has, and she likes Down In The Valley best, which I love also because I actually know all the words to several verses.  It is also incredibly easy to make up words if you forget, and they never know any different.  (wink wink)

And while I rocked her, (which I did a lot) I told her that even if she got big enough someday that I could not rock her anymore, she would never be too old to lay her head on my shoulder and tell me everything she  was glad or sad or mad about.  That she would never be alone.  That God was always with her even when she seemed to be all alone, and that there were so many people who loved her, even if they couldn't be with her all the time.

When we went to the park and she wondered where "all the people" were, (she is used to city living, poor thing, and seemed to be wondering where everybody was no matter where we went) and I caught myself worrying about whether today would be the day when Iran would finally achieve nuclear missiles and attack Israel once and for all, I looked down and saw this:

And made myself be here, now.

Instead of worrying about what my children's lives would be like ( they will only rent houses, never own, may possibly be led down the path of socialism and live like slaves, never be able to feed their children) I listened to laughter as I watched this:

And this:

And this:

When I told her she could pick all the yellow flowers out of the yard (dandelions), bless her soul, she filled up a whole little bucket!  She kept saying "These flowers are for the people!"  and I told myself that this was an extension of 'the people' she kept looking for everywhere and NOT some kind of socialist indoctrination delivered via some state funded daycare.  It's ok, her mother doesn't take her to daycare anymore.  She is running a daycare out of her home so that she can stay home with her children and I am so very glad to see the younger generation re-claiming the right to raise their own children.  They might have to fight for that right before long, but they are pretty tough and I have faith that they can win.

I told her we might be eating those before long and we laughed!  They all bloomed again the next day and she thought it was a miracle.  Who am I to say it wasn't?  Every day is a new day and so far the world is still here and there are children all around who would just LOVE to tell you some things if you will only listen.

I think it's the only way to save the world, not to mention America, which is kind of tied to the train tracks right now, not that I think you should let the stress get to you.  Breathe, just keep breathing and listening.   It is not rocket science, it just takes some time, which is still free so far.  Knock on wood.  We have to keep working at it one good deed at a time.  Is there a child unattended around your area?  Get to know them, you know some stuff, they can help you weed, rake, or burn leaves.  They just love to burn stuff!  They also like knowing there are nice adults around who listen to them, even when they don't think they have anything to say.  You will see their world through their eyes.  You will probably be amazed.

As I rocked, or picked flowers, or pushed her on the swing, I thought of the movie Finding Nemo.  Remember the part where they find the turtle and find out about the Gulf Stream?  They can't see it, but once they are in it, they can get where they are going much faster and easier.  You can't see it, but it's right there, and once you get in it you know it.  That is the secret of life, letting yourself be in it, having faith that it is there, right beside you, and all you have to do is let yourself find it, and it will carry you forward, to exactly where you are supposed to be.  It might not be where you thought you were going, but it will make you the person you are supposed to be.  With any luck, you will find it rocking a baby, but picking all the yellow flowers is good too.  Never forget to count your blessings, it's a great way of keeping things in perspective.  Spend quiet time listening, even if it's only to birds or the breeze.  

Just some advise from an old lady who doesn't know anything.  Wink wink.

The Princess Syndrome

My facebook post from today:

Melinda Moss

Abigail Lea has revived me once again! She informed her mother last night that only she and MIMI could sleep in my bed! LOL I'm afraid I am contributing to the Princess Syndrome....but it's quite a show!

 

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• • OldfriendGUY:   What is princess syndrome?
    

    3 hours ago ·
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    Melinda Moss Making a child think the world revolves around them. Then they turn 12 and awful truth hits them between the eyes. lol
    

    3 hours ago ·
  • OLD FRIEND AND MOTHER:   We have that syndrome at our house too! When they get out in the world and are no longer princess, the fall can be kinda bumpy.
    

    2 hours ago ·
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    Melinda Moss You ain't just whistling Dixie! All part of growing up! lol
    

    2 hours ago ·
  • OLDFRIEND GUY WHO WAS RAISED BY OLDER SISTERS:  I guess picking up rocks and picking strawberries didn't allow me the princess syndrome. :(
    

    about an hour ago ·
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    Melinda Moss We would have to hear from your sisters to be sure. lol

The Princess Syndrome is practically an epidemic in our country, but don't be alarmed.  It is all part of growing up.  First the parents grow up (hopefully), and then it's the child's turn.  What seems natural when they are 3 looks a whole lot different when they are 13.  Just take my word for it.  Everybody will be all right, but it probably will not be a smooth ride.  These are the lessons we all have to learn.  It's just life.  And life is not fair, just for the record.  I hope I am not the first to tell you this.  Never believe that or your life will go on a WHOLE lot longer than is comfortable.  Just get real and deal.  It's faster.

If you want to feel like God and grab a laugh, consider that OLD FRIEND GUY has one child, a daughter.  And he has never heard of the Princess Syndrome?  It's a good thing he has my vast experience on subjects like this to fall back on, aye?  Not to mention Facebook!  He will probably develop a stand-up routine for it, Lord knows he will be able to in about 10 more years.

I learned the hard way myself.  I had only one daughter, who was certainly a Princess.  When she turned about 14 I looked at her father and said "I know we always called her a Princess, but did you mean for her to actually be one??"  He was just beginning to see my point.  It was wierd for us but we were finally on the same side of something.  That, my friends, is life!

SO, last night me and the Grand Finale met the Pretend Daughter and Grand baby for supper where the Beautiful Redhead is working for the summer.

First, let me tell you that the Pretend Grand baby is 2 1/2 years old now, and very independent.  She can do it herself!  Directly after she "does it herself", she often claps and yells "YAY!!", if she is successful, which she most often is.  We had a lively supper, during which we were informed by our waitress, who was not the Beautiful Redhead, that the cook hadn't showed up that evening.  As soon as the waitress left our table one of the Grand Finale said "Is the Beautiful Redhead the cook?" , thereby reducing us all to laughter.  It was a few minutes later the Beautiful Redhead strolled in, not late(!), which reassured her mother, which is me.  I left her with a hefty tip on general principles, because she is my daughter and I need no other reason. 

At this point we parted company with the Pretend Daughter and Grand baby, who were on their way to the "Jumping Castle", as I had been informed many times throughout the evening so far.  The "Jumping Castle" held no temptation for me or the Grand Finale, who are into "hanging out with their friends",so we went home.

A few hours later, I heard fast little footsteps on the porch.  The front door flew open and that little angel came right on in.  She said "It's Mimi!"  as if this surprised her, and then flew into my arms again.  I believe that is where she belongs, but being 2 and into this "independent stuff", the point is lost on her.  She will not hear of it and it makes me so sad.  She told me all about the "Jumping Castle" and apparently jumped very well and for a long time. 

THEN, she remembered (or imagined -there was no physical damage) that she had "hurt her lip".  This statement was accompanied by a general sagging of her entire body, as if the thought took the very heart right out of her, as if she couldn't go on, plus a sad, sad look, pouting lips, and a hanging head. It hung over to one side, the better to judge her audience with.   She cannot produce tears at will.....yet.  My first instinct was to gather her up, kiss her a lot and assure her that she was all right, but I didn't move a muscle.  I believe it would have ruined the entire performance, and I didn't want to throw her off!  She was "sad" for a little while, seeming to be wishing for a mirror to check her sad expression, which was perfectly sad, believe me.  And then I guess that got old, or she was tired of being "sad", because she perked right back up and was off in another direction which she hoped would end in a "Dora" movie but, sadly for her, did not. 

There is just so many cartoons a person can live through in one lifetime and I personally believe that I reached my limit several years ago.  Not that I won't let them be shown, just that I refuse to buy them and even if you bring your own, I am curiously unable to stay awake when they are on.  They put me right to sleep but do not have this affect on the small children like I remember.  Whether I  used to be able to stay awake or just slept in the afternoons while small children wreaked havoc in my house I no longer know, or care to know the answer to.  I prefer to assume the former and at any rate, everybody lived and I never could stomach Disney movies, so it all worked out in the end.

Girlfriend is also into talking a lot now.  Several times I would ask her a question, which her mother would begin to answer.  This would impede the little princess not at all!  One example was when I asked her if she had a dress to wear to the baby show, which, of course I knew she did.  While her mother went into detail about the dress, the Pretend Grandbaby went on at length about what I do not know, complete with hand actions, facial expressions and head bobbing.  I am relatively sure she was speaking English, but mostly she was imitating a woman having a coversation, so I am not clear on what any of the words were.  While I was trying to listen and kick her mother under the table so as not to bring attention to the fact that someone was actually listening to her she had a long involved story that went on until she realized we were paying attention.  Then it seemed to embarrass her and she refused to discuss it anymore. Women!   Always leave them wanting more.  That comes right after The Show Must Go On in the handbook.  Or so I've heard. 

It came time to go to bed and the small fry once again took the helm.  Her mother told her to get her hair bows out so she could go night night.  She immediately informed her mother that she was sleeping in Mimi's bed, but her mother couldn't.  I am amazed at the nerve of this child.  I am also amazed at the patience and indulgence of her mother, because after that she marched right back to bed and we followed her like the hopeless fools we are.  Next thing I knew, we were all in bed.  I am pretty sure I was the first one asleep, because I got woken up to take the princess to the bathroom and apparently I had missed quite a bit.  The mom was in a decidedly bad mood and the Pretend Grand baby was still going strong.

She is potty trained now but still likes company when going.  She repeatedly told me she liked my shirt and then insisted I use the potty after her, and THEN clapped when I was did!  It was a lot of excitement at that hour, and she nearly talked me into letting her take a bath.  This still has me laughing out loud today.  I thought I would never get her back to bed but she took pity on me and decided, for whatever reason, to call it a night. 

As far as I know. 

I was awake later and remember reflecting on how good it felt for someone to need me, even if it was just to watch them pretend to be sad or take a toddler to the bathroom in the middle of the night.  I wondered at how my life had changed since these two entered it.  It is much better with them than it ever was without them and I thank God for the opportunity that my family has been afforded.  To expand.  To put on our own dramatic shows and see if anybody is paying attention.  Someone always is.  To not feel as if "we" are all we have. 




Remembering our last laugh of the night, and my pretend daughter's honesty and humor, I honestly don't know what I would do without her.  I know I wouldn't laugh as much.

In thinking of it today, it occurred to me how much easier it is to get small fry to go to sleep if it is actually dark outside.  I knew that.  Before.  Now I know it again.  Life is merry go round at this point, and I don't miss the roller coater all that much.  Besides, that will all come around again too, and it will be a double whammy this time!

Instead I am taking comfort from the fact that life doesn't really change all that much, and even when it does, it's hardly ever anything I haven't done before.  There truly is nothing new under the sun, Lord willing and the creek don't rise.

How can you look at this face and not be happy?

In which we cry over Charlie the cat

First, I just have to say that I don't really care for cats.  At least, throughout my life I have never cared for cats, I have always preferred dogs.  I never hated cats, I just didn't really like them.  When you try to pick one up, all it's guts run to the other end, they shed on you, they often dig their claws into your flesh just because they like to do that kind of thing, and frankly, I just didn't trust them around children.  But that was before Charlie. 

Nevertheless, we have had quite a few kittens as pets.  Whenever the kids would talk me into having a kitten (or two) I would say "OK, BUT you have to understand that they are going to be outside cats, and cats do what they want.  IF THEY CHOOSE TO STAY, then they will be our cats, and we will get them fixed, and shots, etc., etc., but DON'T get too attached, because they are cats and they might just disappear."  I still stand by this advice, but I don't think we will be worrying about this problem for quite some time.  We stuck to it and many cats have disappeared with no more than a token tear shed, but that was before Charlie.

We have had Charlie for many years.  I don't know how many because he was one of many I figured would just disappear.  I knew better than to get attached.  We got him from one of the boy's babysitters, and got him fixed right off. He was actually the second Charlie we've had from that same place, the first on happily disappeared after befriending a recent widow in the neighborhood long ago.  We wished him well, and were not sad at his departure.  We were really doing good on the not getting attached thing at that point.  But that was before this Charlie.

Somewhere along the line our most recent Charlie got his leg broken.  I can't even remember how, but we nursed him through several weeks with a cast on his leg and when it came time for me to cut the tape away and take his cast off, he actually almost got mean with me.  I stopped and said to him "CHARLIE!!  You know I would never, ever, hurt you intentionally.  I just have to cut off the tape."  And do you know, he relaxed and let me do it without another protest.  He always seemed to understand what your intentions were.  He was not the kind of cat that would rub up against you, unless you invited him to.  Even then, he would just come over and sit by you.  I loved this about him because I can't stand cats that rub against me. 

With the kids, he would let my pretend grand baby pick him up UPSIDE DOWN and I would see his claws come out, then a pause, then they would go right back in again.  He would let himself go limp, to make it harder for her to drag him, and within seconds either I was there to help her carry him to the bench where he always hung out or she would give up and he would make his get-a-way.  He seemed to sense that she meant no harm.  "Eat!  Eat!  Eat bwekfas, Chaw lee".  But he wouldn't even defend his own food dish, and I suspect I've been feeding quite a few cats around the neighborhood for a long time.

After my mom died, every time I went outside there was Charlie, and I resented even seeing something else that I needed to take care of.  I felt bad about it, but that was just the way it was.  One morning I went out and there he was and I thought "oh, no, not again.  Just go away and leave me aloooooooonnnnne!"  I was whining in my mind.  At that moment, I heard my mother's voice give a little laugh and say "Just like God's love, that's Charlie.  Never pushing up to you but just always there waiting for you to notice."  And I realized two things.  I was really, really angry, and I probably needed to deal with that.  And my mother, like God, was still with me as close as my own heart.  It might have been at that point that I started getting used to Charlie and even become fond of him.

Over the years, I got used to his thumps on the front porch, being startled when he would suddenly emerge from the somewhere among the wreckage of the top shelf of the garage and jump all the way down, leaving the garage door up a little at all times, and admonishing every single member of my family, including the Cyclist, from feeding him EVERY time they went out the door.  He was probably the best fed cat, in terms of sheer volume, that ever lived.  Which may also explain the other cats hitting the all day buffet if they are in the area.......

Several times he has disappeared for up to a week at a time and we would think he was gone for sure.  I never could figure out where he went or what he was doing, but as he couldn't get anything pregnant, I figured it was nobody'e business but his own.  And when he came back?  He would meow outside and we would yell "CHARLIE?!?!" and he would meow again and Charlie would be back from whatever adventure he had been on and we would all rejoice that he was all right and now home.  He never made noise unless he wanted something.  No howling at the full moon or anything else from our Charlie.

Last night Charlie darted right out in front of a neighbor of mine, by chance my dentist and by God's grace one of the kindest, gentlest men I have ever had the privilege of knowing in this life.  He stopped and sat with me and held onto my hand as Charlie quietly died, and I stroked Charlie and told him it was all right and that he was the best cat in the world.  He told me when Charlie was gone for sure.  He told me to get a bag from the house and the shovel and he helped me bury Charlie under the big grass where he loved to pretend to be a fearless lion.  I hope it wouldn't embarrass that man to say that I can't think of a better person to have gone through that with, poor man, he felt so bad.  I told him the same thing I have always told the kids, how you can't get attached because cats do what they want.  I told him a lot of things and he just listened and dug.  I told him I used to be pretty good at not getting attached, but that was before Charlie.

I watched the boys come down the street, one standing behind the other on 1 bike, laughing all the way down the hill.  I will never forget that moment.  I've never felt so old.  I told them and held them while they cried.  We put some lilacs on Charlie's grave and then we all went in and cried some more.  Quite a lot, actually, kind of all night long.  When I locked up for the night, for the first time in years, I let the garage door go all the way down.  No Charlie to leave the door open for now.  Then I cried some more.

This morning I saw the same look on my son's face as he let the garage door go all the way down for the first time he can probably ever remember.  But he didn't cry.  He just took a deep breathe and came on to the car.  And I thought how he was growing up, and how losing a pet is part of life, and how he will never forget Charlie.  We were lucky to have him at all.

My Girls Rock

I am so very excited for this weekend to get here that I don't know how I'm going to be able to wait. 

This weekend there are going to be girls in my house.  No boys.  Just girls. 

Events have transpired to make it possible for me to spend at least Friday night and Saturday with not only The Beautiful Redhead, but my pretend grand baby and her mother, my Bonus Child!

Having cleaned the carpets and feeling like the queen of my domain, I am ready for them. 

Each one of these girls is so dear to my heart that they can make me cry at the drop of a hat.  They can also make me want to shake them at the drop of a hat, but that's how I know I REALLY REALLY love them!  That I let them live is testament to my love!  I can have faith here because I easily remember being just as stupid self involved brave and headstrong as they do now.  I have the sort of sinking feeling that it's time to tell them the reality version of some of the choices I made, instead of the bright, shining, cleaned up version I have striven so hard to maintain for so long.  Why would I do that?  To protect myself them, of course!!

We are going to eat whatever we want, regardless of it's nutritional value and with abandon, drink wine, take bubble baths, talk all the time, and do whatever that sweet baby dreams up.  I will be her Lady in Waiting for the entire night and following morning, at least.  Last time it was making tents that pleased her.  I actually have a real tent to put up in the basement that was a big winner with my own little ones......and a blow up mattress, should you be experienced in slavery to small children and be thinking ahead about how that could all go wrong.  I am prepared.  BRING IT.  She also is big enough now to drag the chair over to the sink, where she has spent many happy hours wearing rubber gloves, splashing water all over the place and sporadically throwing food around.  Shredded cheese is my least favorite substance for flinging, and in her defense, most of that is actually dropped.  Boiled eggs are probably my favorite flingable substance, but only if she hasn't eaten them down to the yolk yet.  This is how memories are made, people. 

I simply cannot wait. 

If I don't live to see my own grandchildren, God forbid it, I will die happy that I got the chance to pretend.  I have the best time with that child.  It's hard to explain how you can laugh out loud till tears run down your face for 20 miles in a row because you can hear her talking to someone on your cell phone and just kissing, kissing, kissing, whomever she is talking to, while simultaneously wondering who in God's name she really is calling and not caring enough to pull over and take away her happiness.  The entire time that was happening I was also feeling terrible because I knew she was missing her mother and wanting to make up for that.  You kind of had to be there.  Or to have been there once, at pretty much any point in your life.  You never forget those moments, nor should you.  I just always have the best time with her--sniff, sniff.

Also, my kids will have a good idea of what a grandmother is supposed to do.  It is one of the things that have amazed me the most, as a mother, how we change ours life styles in order to give our children a picture of what a mother is supposed to be like.  Like a filter that we conform to, even the most selfish of us.  This is bringing me to a little bit of a throw down I had to have with one of my oldest, best friends, whose mother has Alzheimer's Syndrome.  But that is another story for another day. I won't forget, and I want to end this post on a positive note.  Positive notes are getting more rare every day.  So unless the world stops spinning before this weekend, I have something to look forward to.  I need it, it's been a looooooong winter.

Random Facts

10 things you may not know about me:

1.  I have a pretend grandbaby.  The baby is not pretend, she is real.  I just pretend she is my grandbaby.

2. When I count my blessings, I often include thanks for the magic eraser.

3. I really hate it when people in electic wheelchairs use the road like a car.  And I feel badly about that.

4. I was a party girl in the 80's.  This is not as uncommon as you may have been led to believe.

5. I have an incredible love for older gentlemen, especially of the southern variety.  All that chivalry, what's not to love?

6. I have recently been wondering what the difference between apathy and security is.

7. I gained over 100 lbs when I was pregnant with the twins.  People nudged each other when they walked by me and refused to make eye contact with me.

8. This reduced my mother to fits of uncontrollable laughter.

9. I go outside first thing every morning and last thing every night.  I can't seem to stop.

10. I believe once you have eaten all the crow from all the opinions you were so free with in your 20's, your work on earth is pretty much done. 

These are all things I have good stories about.  But this weekend I am going to be cooking and cleaning (because you know that makes me feel like a woman) and visiting with my kids.  And counting my blessings.

If you haven't counted your blessings recently, give it a whirl.  You may be surprised.