Denial of the Swimsuit Variety....

Do you hate trying on swimsuits as much as I do?  I would say I doubt it, but this is an area where I think all women agree, regardless of body type or age.  That makes it a rare subject indeed.

I recently lost my favorite swimsuit of at least 8 years.  Maybe 10, even, but since my babies are now 16 I have lost the handy trick of remembering things by whether they were born yet or not.  It was an old suit, at any rate, but a GOOD one.

It was a tankini, two pieces but the top came clear down to the top of the bottoms.  One pieces either are 1)too short in length for me, and nobody likes a wedgie or 2)give me a lot of extra room in the bottoms for a derriere that I have never had and mostly flop around loosely, exposing me to all and sundry.  I have to move to a different state after something like that, so you see how important a good swimsuit is to me.

So those are usually out. ;)

And bikini's have been out for me since about age 23, from modesty and body image nightmares.  Those nightmares were nothing compared to what they would become after carrying twins and gaining over 100 lbs.  How much over, you might ask?  I don't know!!  I never did want to know!!   The best Dr. in the world, Dr. Green, came in and apologized to me for cutting me up and down on my C section instead of across.  I literally laughed out loud and told him not to worry one second about that. No one had seen my naked stomach for years unless they were intimately involved with me and had signed a non-disclosure agreement ( I kid, I kid).  I let that go, actually cut it loose and let it sink in the river of life.  It was a long time ago and I haven't looked back.  Score one for me!

 Besides that, once I was a mother I just never could do that again.  Being a "sexy mom" was a concept that struck me as just plain WRONG at the time, and I've never changed my mind. Thank God for that!  Mother's derive their beauty from dignity, make no mistake. Please, for the sake of your children remember this.  No child goes to sleep at night and cries for a more "sexy" mother. Not a one of 'em.  Ever.  None.

*cue small rant*
One of the most painful things I've ever witnessed is women who get caught up in that whole crazy thing and then end up humiliated and alone when their child lovers leave them.  Then they act all sad and confused and angry. Exactly like they haven't raised kids and should already know all that!!  What mother does not know that kids can't make up their minds?  What mother counts a 25 year old as an adult, unless that 25 year old is another mother????  I don't care how good looking he is--it doesn't even matter. He is still a child!!  Dangdest thing I have ever seen!  But I am wandering again. Demi, I don't want to single you out but you are just the first one who came into my head, gather up your friends and if you have an opening for a life coach, I am all yours. Call me, maybe?  How could I possibly do any worse???  Life can be great without a 25 year old boyfriend, woman. Most of us have known this since the ripe old age of about, um, 25.  Just sayin.
*rant over*

Where was I?  Oh, yes, swimsuits and the agony they represent to us.  Tankini's, in case you do not know, can be bought in separate sizes, so you can actually get a top and a bottom that fits, which is quite wonderful.  Don't get too excited, because they still show all the cellulite on your legs, but still......the tankini is my first choice these days.

So I finally got to get a little sun while I was "lost", and I spent some time floating in a pond in my dearly beloved old suit.  I made myself, at one point, swim all the way across the pond to retrieve an errant paddle boat, not just because my boys had not tied it up properly but because I really needed the exercise.  This was possible only doing a side stroke because of my bad knee, but I did it and felt very good about it.

Because of this, when I got home and discovered a black, tarry substance stuck to my skin, I assumed that I must have swum through something in the pond.  Denial is our first form of self-defense, always.

After I got out of the shower I found the black, tarry substance was stuck to my skin.  REALLY stuck good.  I rubbed it with a towel but all I did was make my skin red.  I thought I must have swum through some water in which some tires had decomposed.  Why did I think that?  Probably because it was the only excuse readily available that would allow me to not worry about buying a new swimsuit.  It was summer and I was giving myself a break.  So I promptly forgot about it and I threw my favorite old swimsuit right in the washer.  This one had taken all the abuse I could hurl at it for years. It was  a great suit.

A couple of days later I found another bunch of the black, tarry substance around the back of my waist and the thought crossed my mind again that I should stay out of that pond, but there was a niggling little voice in my head that was already arguing this point.  It didn't make good sense, but I sank back into the sands that run by the river of Denial and didn't sweat it.

A couple of weeks later I was in the same swim suit at the same pond again, but this time I didn't get in.  I sat in the warm sun for a couple of hours before I noticed a very uncomfortable, sticky feeling right around my waist.  It felt like the rubber strip around the waist was melting on my skin.  It hurt a little bit.

"AH HA!!" I thought!  And I looked down and adjusted the waist of my suit.  When I did this I actually saw a big chunk of the black rubber line that is there to keep your waist band from straying come off the suit because it was MELDED to my skin. The river was receding and I was all alone in the sand with my best suit sticking to my body for what would be about a week.  Reality had found me.

Sadly, I realized that 1) my old standby was deteriorating and would need a decent burial and 2) I was going to have buy another suit.  NO!!!!  ANYTHING BUT THAT!!!!

I was very sad about both of these things, but my course was clearly set out for me.  It had been such a good summer up until this point.....

And that is how stupid I was during the month of July this year.

The good news is that rubbing alcohol will take off rubber that has melded to your skin.  Soap and baby oil will not.  I used the soap and baby oil in vain for several days while in denial, one of my favorite states that I don't get to spend much time in anymore.  I miss it, they were some of the happiest days of my life.

The bad news is that I have to buy another swimsuit.  I don't even know when I will find the courage to do this, and as it is August, I'm not going to worry about it this year. Next year I may lure my daughter into a bar first and then make her go with me. Then when I break down in tears we can blame the alcohol.

Maybe I should just go ahead and pitch an idea for rubber suits with skirts, for modest older ladies who dread wearing swimsuits more than speaking in public.  I think there's a market for it.  Don't you?

Checking In....Still Checked Out....

I am still alive.  Haven't posted in a while but well, I've been........lost.  In the summer. ;)

The boys have been gone and I have been cleaning.  YIKES.  That's all I'm going to say about that.

School is getting ready to start. DOUBLE YIKES.  That is just straight up scary these days.  If you haven't been following the war over Common Core I think you might want to check that out.  Don't blame the teachers because 1) These last several crops have been trained to do what they are told and 2) it is their jobs.  I will say, however, if they are in favor of CC, that will tell you all you need to know.  Ahem.  You can keep up here

This little gem I just have to share: My cousin who lives in Oklahoma called last night and said that her daughter and grandson were very excited because Saturday he has a football game and Rhee Drummond had a film crew in town and she would be COOKING for the boys after their game.  My cousin, who does not keep up with blogs, not even mine I don't think, had to be told that this was the ultimate and amazing Pioneer Woman herself.  Her grandson's exact words, because he has been watching her cooking show with his mother, were "Nanny, you should see some of the things that Pioneer Woman cooks up.  They look GOOD!"

You can't buy publicity like that.  Savvy decision to cook for those boys, PW!!  A whole new generation of fans!!

Have a great weekend.  I'm going to!!

Getting Lost In The Summer.....

We have had a solid two week period of either hosting or being hosted by family, and vacations.  I have gotten to feel like Nana, having company and making pallets and getting clean linen on all the beds.  The Beautiful Redhead has lost the mattress on her old bed to one of her younger brothers, so she has to sleep with me now when she is home, and we have the best talks this way.  My beautiful bonus daughter and her family have also graced us wither their presence lately, and I have happily been slurping on that oh-so-delicious baby.

I have been glorying in just "being home" and what my family is becoming, as the years bring changes both exhilarating and painful to us all.  How well I remember when I got to the age where things changed from "the way they had always been" to "what would be".  It's bittersweet at best, the age where it occurs to you that now it's your job to *be* home, as it feels like all your "homes" are either disappearing altogether or newly vulnerable, in your eyes, to disappearing in the future.  It makes you feel silly because you have been insisting for several years that you are all "grown up" and yet go to pieces as soon as you are called upon to act like one for the first time.  Life is like that all the way through, a series of surprisingly obvious crises and how we find the strength to come through them.  This Song has been getting a lot of play around my house lately.  I used to identify with the child watching cartoons.  Now I've graduated to identifying with being Mam Maw in the kitchen, stirring up some sugar cookies.  It's a song that only gets better the older you get, with a message that is simple eternal truth

So far into the "summer vacation" mode have I been that I got all confused last Saturday morning.  Thinking it was Sunday, I got my coffee and went to Postsecret.com, and they hadn't updated yet.  I started to wonder what in the world was going on with this site.  Had someone died or hacked their website?  Where was my updated Postsecret.com??  Then I realized that it was only Saturday!!!  I was overjoyed!   I can't tell you how wonderful it is to have made a mistake like this, having my weekend suddenly get twice as long as I was thinking it was, and I doubt I need to tell you!  Is there anything better than that? If there is I don't know what it is.

I stopped to appreciate the days, far and few between lately, where I wake up and can't remember what day it is, and it doesn't really matter either way.  Time off is precious, even if you just stay home.

This revelation made the domestic Goddess in me come out of hiding and I started cooking.  I mean, she  started and kept at it and couldn't seem to stop.  I was just along for the ride, really.  The Domestic Goddess evidently has a quota that I had not yet met, so we had to catch up.  Or something.  I try not to question and just "go with it" more these days. ;)  This method has worked wonders for me, and I highly recommend you try it.  No pre-conceived plans at the start of each day may seem terrifying at first, but give it a try and I think you will find freedom and joy instead of resentment and obligation.  These are just the two different sides of the same coin, but a deeply important difference.  When you are feeling really under the gun, check and make sure you aren't the one putting the pressure on yourself.  If you are, give yourself a break.  It's your life, just live it and be happy.

 I had to try Trisha Yearwood's Sweet & Saltines Dessert after I had tried it at a garden party.  This is awesome! And the thing about Trisha Yearwood is that she is one of us.  She doesn't give you lists of things you never heard of or have to buy online from stranger's who you don't think it would be a good idea to trust.  Nope.  Not our Trisha.  When you look at her recipe's, you not only know what all the ingredients are, you actually already have them in your pantry. I had a little bump with my brown sugar, which had the audacity to turn solid on me.  But I just microwaved it and then beat it into submission.  "Oh, come on, brown sugar! You are never going to win this battle!  Not with ME!!" The Domestic Goddess is not one to be trifled with.  And that brown sugar, it crumbled in it's shifting, sugary way into submission.  Mine didn't turn out quite as good as the picture in the link above,  so be sure to boil the syrup for the full 5 minutes, and then don't panic when it looks like it's burning in the over.  It's not burning.  It just has to bubble up so that it will get a little harder.  In this way I give you not only recipe's but I go ahead and make the mistakes you might make the first time, if you lack patience but are long on willfulness. I think this is a worthy service to provide.  Mine was still a bit gooey but I just pressed on as always and it lasted almost 2 days.  It only lasted 2 days because I hid some of it in a Tupperware container in the fridge.  Why boys refuse to examine what might be in these containers is beyond me, but I count on it immensely.  You will love this dessert.  It's easy, cheap, salty, sweet, everything anyone wants, all at once.

Then I had found a crock pot recipe for the Hot Fudge Cake that is always such a hit, so I put that in the crock pot.  And made the Strawberry Cobbler that can be found on the same page in the link above.  I know! It was like a miracle!!  I haven't even made the noodles I planned to give as Christmas gifts last year yet.

So then for lunch I made meatballs (the sauce consists of equal parts grape jelly --not jam--and chili sauce--Heinz or the generic in the glass bottle)  and pasta (does it matter? I used Penne) with garlic Alfredo sauce (the generic in the store for about $1) and artichoke hearts (also generic, although more like $2.50).  The boys will eat this but consider artichoke hearts "girl food".  This is just fine with me, being the only "girl" in the house.  The important part is that I had left-overs and was foolish enough to think I wouldn't have to cook anymore at this point, on this day.  The Domestic Goddess knew better, and on I went.

Then I decided to make some potato salad, even though the boys usually won't eat that at all after it's cold.  We have a thing about warm potato salad at my house.  It really is best right then, when it's still warm.  The boys, however, draw the line when it's cold for some strange reason.  By the time I got that done the boys had polished off the meatballs and so I decided to make a meatloaf.  At some point during the smooshing of the meatloaf, which I use my handy-dandy disposable gloves for, The Cyclist finally asked "When are you going to stop??" (I think I was wearing him out, just watching) and I could reply "I think this should just about do it."  I probably spent too much time cooking that day, but The Rock Star was coming with his wonderful girlfriend and we were going to have a fire in the back yard, and I didn't want to have to worry about anyone being hungry.

I slightly misjudged the appetite of boys for meat products, as we ran out of all the meat first.  Luckily this nudged them in the direction of the desserts and all I had the next day was the potato salad, pasta, and a little  Strawberry Cobbler left over.

However you are spending your summer, I wish you days where you wake up and truly cannot remember what day it is, not that it really makes any difference.  Your time is the one thing that will always be your own.  I wish you enough of it that you can squander some and relax enough that you no longer feel the time ticking by in the back of your mind.  Put away the clock and let the slant of the sunlight determine what you do with your time.  I promise it will seem like you have a lot more of it.

Take time to reflect on the changes coming towards you, say what you need to say when you have the chance, have peace with all things, as far as possible, and remember these days.  They will soon be past us and we will have other pressing issues to deal with.  With any luck, our Domestic Goddesses will not forsake us during these times, and we will dine on Meatballs and Hot Fudge Cake, come what may.

If you are still slaving away with the clock ticking down the time in your head, you still have plenty of summer left.  Go float.  Sleep late.  Take some time off and then let yourself forget about what day it is.  Listen to the wind instead of the news, watch the sun transform the sky, and then the moon. You will not regret it, of that I am quite sure.