Getting Lost In The Summer.....

We have had a solid two week period of either hosting or being hosted by family, and vacations.  I have gotten to feel like Nana, having company and making pallets and getting clean linen on all the beds.  The Beautiful Redhead has lost the mattress on her old bed to one of her younger brothers, so she has to sleep with me now when she is home, and we have the best talks this way.  My beautiful bonus daughter and her family have also graced us wither their presence lately, and I have happily been slurping on that oh-so-delicious baby.

I have been glorying in just "being home" and what my family is becoming, as the years bring changes both exhilarating and painful to us all.  How well I remember when I got to the age where things changed from "the way they had always been" to "what would be".  It's bittersweet at best, the age where it occurs to you that now it's your job to *be* home, as it feels like all your "homes" are either disappearing altogether or newly vulnerable, in your eyes, to disappearing in the future.  It makes you feel silly because you have been insisting for several years that you are all "grown up" and yet go to pieces as soon as you are called upon to act like one for the first time.  Life is like that all the way through, a series of surprisingly obvious crises and how we find the strength to come through them.  This Song has been getting a lot of play around my house lately.  I used to identify with the child watching cartoons.  Now I've graduated to identifying with being Mam Maw in the kitchen, stirring up some sugar cookies.  It's a song that only gets better the older you get, with a message that is simple eternal truth

So far into the "summer vacation" mode have I been that I got all confused last Saturday morning.  Thinking it was Sunday, I got my coffee and went to Postsecret.com, and they hadn't updated yet.  I started to wonder what in the world was going on with this site.  Had someone died or hacked their website?  Where was my updated Postsecret.com??  Then I realized that it was only Saturday!!!  I was overjoyed!   I can't tell you how wonderful it is to have made a mistake like this, having my weekend suddenly get twice as long as I was thinking it was, and I doubt I need to tell you!  Is there anything better than that? If there is I don't know what it is.

I stopped to appreciate the days, far and few between lately, where I wake up and can't remember what day it is, and it doesn't really matter either way.  Time off is precious, even if you just stay home.

This revelation made the domestic Goddess in me come out of hiding and I started cooking.  I mean, she  started and kept at it and couldn't seem to stop.  I was just along for the ride, really.  The Domestic Goddess evidently has a quota that I had not yet met, so we had to catch up.  Or something.  I try not to question and just "go with it" more these days. ;)  This method has worked wonders for me, and I highly recommend you try it.  No pre-conceived plans at the start of each day may seem terrifying at first, but give it a try and I think you will find freedom and joy instead of resentment and obligation.  These are just the two different sides of the same coin, but a deeply important difference.  When you are feeling really under the gun, check and make sure you aren't the one putting the pressure on yourself.  If you are, give yourself a break.  It's your life, just live it and be happy.

 I had to try Trisha Yearwood's Sweet & Saltines Dessert after I had tried it at a garden party.  This is awesome! And the thing about Trisha Yearwood is that she is one of us.  She doesn't give you lists of things you never heard of or have to buy online from stranger's who you don't think it would be a good idea to trust.  Nope.  Not our Trisha.  When you look at her recipe's, you not only know what all the ingredients are, you actually already have them in your pantry. I had a little bump with my brown sugar, which had the audacity to turn solid on me.  But I just microwaved it and then beat it into submission.  "Oh, come on, brown sugar! You are never going to win this battle!  Not with ME!!" The Domestic Goddess is not one to be trifled with.  And that brown sugar, it crumbled in it's shifting, sugary way into submission.  Mine didn't turn out quite as good as the picture in the link above,  so be sure to boil the syrup for the full 5 minutes, and then don't panic when it looks like it's burning in the over.  It's not burning.  It just has to bubble up so that it will get a little harder.  In this way I give you not only recipe's but I go ahead and make the mistakes you might make the first time, if you lack patience but are long on willfulness. I think this is a worthy service to provide.  Mine was still a bit gooey but I just pressed on as always and it lasted almost 2 days.  It only lasted 2 days because I hid some of it in a Tupperware container in the fridge.  Why boys refuse to examine what might be in these containers is beyond me, but I count on it immensely.  You will love this dessert.  It's easy, cheap, salty, sweet, everything anyone wants, all at once.

Then I had found a crock pot recipe for the Hot Fudge Cake that is always such a hit, so I put that in the crock pot.  And made the Strawberry Cobbler that can be found on the same page in the link above.  I know! It was like a miracle!!  I haven't even made the noodles I planned to give as Christmas gifts last year yet.

So then for lunch I made meatballs (the sauce consists of equal parts grape jelly --not jam--and chili sauce--Heinz or the generic in the glass bottle)  and pasta (does it matter? I used Penne) with garlic Alfredo sauce (the generic in the store for about $1) and artichoke hearts (also generic, although more like $2.50).  The boys will eat this but consider artichoke hearts "girl food".  This is just fine with me, being the only "girl" in the house.  The important part is that I had left-overs and was foolish enough to think I wouldn't have to cook anymore at this point, on this day.  The Domestic Goddess knew better, and on I went.

Then I decided to make some potato salad, even though the boys usually won't eat that at all after it's cold.  We have a thing about warm potato salad at my house.  It really is best right then, when it's still warm.  The boys, however, draw the line when it's cold for some strange reason.  By the time I got that done the boys had polished off the meatballs and so I decided to make a meatloaf.  At some point during the smooshing of the meatloaf, which I use my handy-dandy disposable gloves for, The Cyclist finally asked "When are you going to stop??" (I think I was wearing him out, just watching) and I could reply "I think this should just about do it."  I probably spent too much time cooking that day, but The Rock Star was coming with his wonderful girlfriend and we were going to have a fire in the back yard, and I didn't want to have to worry about anyone being hungry.

I slightly misjudged the appetite of boys for meat products, as we ran out of all the meat first.  Luckily this nudged them in the direction of the desserts and all I had the next day was the potato salad, pasta, and a little  Strawberry Cobbler left over.

However you are spending your summer, I wish you days where you wake up and truly cannot remember what day it is, not that it really makes any difference.  Your time is the one thing that will always be your own.  I wish you enough of it that you can squander some and relax enough that you no longer feel the time ticking by in the back of your mind.  Put away the clock and let the slant of the sunlight determine what you do with your time.  I promise it will seem like you have a lot more of it.

Take time to reflect on the changes coming towards you, say what you need to say when you have the chance, have peace with all things, as far as possible, and remember these days.  They will soon be past us and we will have other pressing issues to deal with.  With any luck, our Domestic Goddesses will not forsake us during these times, and we will dine on Meatballs and Hot Fudge Cake, come what may.

If you are still slaving away with the clock ticking down the time in your head, you still have plenty of summer left.  Go float.  Sleep late.  Take some time off and then let yourself forget about what day it is.  Listen to the wind instead of the news, watch the sun transform the sky, and then the moon. You will not regret it, of that I am quite sure.  

Redeemed.

We just had the most relaxing vacation I have had in a very long time.  I went an entire week with sporadic cell phone coverage only when I was in a town, which was pretty sporadic itself.  I did not watch the news.  I did not even check the weather.  I did not wear makeup or even do my hair.  It was just wonderful.

I watched my children enjoy Southwestern Missouri.  I taught my boys how to read a map, which is a very important skill in these days of GPS's.  I begged the boys to take pictures of the barns on the way down but only one good picture turned out.  Next year they will be able to drive and I will do it myself.

The only shot we ended up with, but whatta shot!  Credit to Aaron, my youngest  baby.

I visited the cemetery, with the man who was my step-father growing up, while the kids went to the pool.  We had such a good time reminiscing about the vacations of my childhood.  I told him that, like him, I saw no point in leaving after the sun came up.  I sat on Paula's porch and watched eagles glide over the Butterball turkey farm houses across the field.  I helped a sweet boy who stopped to tell us the neighbor's cows were out round the cows back into the corral.

Only one thing bothered me, and I decided, finally, to confront it at last.  As fate would have it, my father lives about 10 miles from Paula now.  Tell me God didn't have a hand in that and I will laugh.  I called him on Paula's phone one morning, since mine didn't work, and surprised him.  I guess "surprised" is a bit of an understatement.  With the boys still asleep, I headed over for coffee and peace talks.

We sat and talked for several hours.  We re-hashed our entire lives.  I told him about the blog.  And when he started to apologize I stopped him and I told him that I had grown up a little bit.  I said that no matter what he did or didn't do I had always loved him and always would.  Then I asked him to forgive himself, because both of his children already had.  During this struggle I have learned that it is a simple lack of faith if we can believe that God forgives us but we fail to forgive ourselves.  Failing to forgive ourselves is to hold onto our hurt and guilt, and how can we have a clean slate if we do that?  We can't.    Following that thought, if we are forgiven by God, we have to forgive others the same way.  I warned him that when he read the blog he would no doubt read things that would hurt him, but just to know that this is a pattern in our family and the cycle had to be stopped.  He has had his own struggles with his own father, and just because he never talks about it doesn't mean that it isn't still there.  If I have anything to say about it, this cycle will stop with me, and that there would be a new blog post coming with the title of "Redeemed", and that it was for him.  

Then I went to get the boys and we spent the next couple of days with their Grampa.

I admit it took me 40 years, but I finally got there.  Nothing  worth having ever comes easy.

The Beautiful Redhead came down by herself, which left her mother a nervous wreck for many hours, but she made it just fine.  I got to spend some real quality time with her, which was probably the best thing about this vacation for me.  We slept in the same Victorian bed surrounded by crocheted bedspreads and pictures of us and Nana all around the room and talked long into the night, with the phenomenal full moon shining down on us through the window.

We drove the roads I love best in this world.

Liberty Drive in Southwest City Mo, with Bluebird Lane to the right ahead.  I couldn't remember which one was Harry's house and thankfully saw the mailbox of my first best friend's brother to ask directions.  It was right across the street, as it turned out.

Heading South into Noel, Mo., aka The Christmas City.  First-timers on this road think this is pretty

Then their faces crease in concern as we get closer.

At this point they often scrunch down in their seats and ask if this is a good idea.  I always just shrug and say that if it's not, scrunching down in their seats is probably not going to help much.  Muahahahha  

Some of them are under bluffs with the river beside us, it's where you will end up if you go over the "guard posts" on the left side of this picture.

We took a float trip, just the kids and I, and I watched the twins have more fun together than I have seen in years.  We had the river virtually to ourselves.  The sun was hot and the river was cold, and even though I forgot to pack the mustard the sandwiches tasted like heaven.  I was prepared for the river to be crowded with drunken, occasionally naked people.  I was pleasantly surprised.  There was a lot of trash in the water, though, and The Beautiful Redhead was outraged by this, as she should be.  People just don't have the respect they should have these days.  But if you want to take a float trip that is crowded with drunken, half naked people, you can probably find it on the weekends.  I chose the week day to avoid this as much as possible.  The twins were pretty disappointed, but we all know their day will come. ;)  At least I don't have to worry about them setting off without knowing how to maneuver a canoe.  If float trips are not your thing, I highly recommend Shadowlake Bar and Grill to people-watch as people come into the last leg of their trip.  Better entertainment simply cannot be found, take my word for this.  By that time they are tired, sometimes passed out, and many relationships have either been forged in steel forever or are about to come to an abrupt end, also forever.  Either way it's an experience no one will ever forget, least of all the people who are just sitting on the deck, enjoying a cold drink and taking it all in.

Us, the river rat version.  We sorely missed The Rock Star and his wonderful girlfriend.

And I got to stop at my beloved 43 bridge, where when I was little my dad and his friends used to go and shoot gar off the bridge.  This was not illegal, incidentally, at least at that time.  I checked!

Cowskin Public Access.  Why Cowskin?  No clue.  It's always just been 43 bridge to us.  I guess shooting gar off the bridge isn't the only thing people have done here.  heeheehee

From the riverbed.  It's low at this time.  Those are exposed rocks where you can get out of the water.  The sound those rocks being walked on make is a sound that is "home" to me.

Looking downriver.  It used to be bluffs like that all the way up.  I guess if you live long enough trees can grow anywhere, but it threw me off quite a bit for it  to look so very different.

I didn't get to see a lot of the people that I wanted to on this trip, but we will probably go back down this fall.  Time just got away from me.  But isn't that what vacations are for? I feel like I've been gone much more than a week.  It was quite a trip, all in all, but sooooo very worth it.

SURPRISE!

When my mother died, The Rock Star was 14.

My mother had an old Jeep Cherokee that she had purposely kept for the Rock Star and then his sister to drive.  It was very thoughtful of her to even think of it, considering what she was going through at the time.  She had time to look ahead with her illness, but she was always one to look ahead.

So when the Rock Star turned 16 and got his license, he already had a reliable vehicle that cost very little to insure.  That Jeep Cherokee lasted through him and The Beautiful Redhead both.  It finally met it's maker after it hit a deer, and we were all very sad.

The last few years I've been looking ahead myself, wondering what in the world I would do for the boys to have something to drive.

How would I ever afford to buy them a vehicle in addition to shoes and jeans?  The shoes and jeans for 2 teenage boys are very expensive, in case you don't know.  Savings is hard to add to, when you are buying shoes and jeans every time you turn around.   It's always like "JEANS & SHOES! SHOES & JEANS! MORE JEANS!! NEED SHOES AGAIN!!" in my head for the last couple of years.

What would happen? I wondered this for years, putting back what little I could spare and hoping for a miracle.

As usual, the miracle came from my most wonderful of all step-mothers, the one I kept!   Her name is Paula, and she called me up a few weeks ago and said that she had "happened to run into a girl who had to sell her car that night, for $300", so of course she at least had to go look at it.

After she looked at it she brought her husband to look at it.  He drove it, looked it over,  and gave Paula the high sign to buy it right then and there.

It's a 1994 Dodge (Red) Caravan.  It had a few dents, needed a new bumper, had high mileage, but ran perfectly.  Paula's husband now (thank you again, God for her finding such a wonderful man) pulled out the dents, replaced the bumper, did body work, painted it, put some pin striping on it (silver), redid the carpet and headliner, and as if that wasn't miracle enough, changed all the fluids and replaced all the filters.

I don't know how to say how much this means to me.  For the past several weeks we have had excited, giddy conversations about how it's coming.  Titles and plates and proof of insurance have kept the mailmen busy as they flew from one end of Missouri to the other, and it will be ready when we get down there.  This is a big SURPRISE for the twins, who are convinced they will never be able to have a car at all.  Why would they think that?  Well, because their mother uses reality as a teacher every chance she gets, and has been taking them around to car lots and letting them get a load of how much cars and more importantly, trucks, actually cost.

Paula was going to tell them on the phone, so excited was she that she had not only found a vehicle, but could afford to buy it!!  Her exact words were "Well, I didn't want get it without saying anything, but I"ve never been able to do anything for them and they never ask for anything.  YOU never ask for anything, and I thought it was too good a deal to pass up."

I said "Oh, no, I'm not going to say a word.  This will be your present to them for their 16th birthday, and you will get to surprise them with it when we come down."

She just said "Ooooooohhhh." And I knew she was remembering my mother's Jeep and The Rock Star and Beautiful Redhead's first car. How wonderful is it to through years with the same people and know that there are things they do not have to be told.  To know that you don't have to explain anything because they were there.  They remember it too, and know all the angles, ins, outs, in short, everything.  That's one of the reasons why I think we quit making new friends at a certain point in life: because we just don't want to put the energy into trying to explain all that stuff.  It's exhausting to even think about past the age of about 35, and some of that stuff cannot BE explained in any way that would make sense unless you were there. You know what I mean?  I truly do not know who I would be without this angel, who came to me as a step-mother but stayed on as one of the dearest, best friends I have ever had.  She isn't really old enough to be my mother and we have always had the best relationship.  She is, simply put, worth everything any of us ever went through to get to her.  I never count the costs when it comes to Paula. She is worth it all.  Everything else just fades into the background, compared to her. If I had to live my life without my mother it was a great comfort, to both of us, to know that I would still have Paula.  And that my children would still have Paula.  She has saved us more times than she even knows,  just by being there for us.

Ever since then we have both been so excited we have been floating around like, I don't know, the job rate is down to 3% and America is no longer dependent on foreign oil because we finally just used our own or something!  I mean, we are EXCITED!!!   VERY EXCITED!!!

Our only 2nd thoughts were vocalized by Paula.  "You don't think they will be disappointed that it's a van, do you?" I was quiet.  This thought had occurred to me about the same time as she asked it. I've been embarrassed by my kids turning up their noses at presents before, but not since they were very small.  I would die of mortification if this happened, with Paula, with this miracle.   I thought about it.  I thought about 2 boys who only have learned the hard way that they only have their mother to depend on, who know the value of a dollar, who have to be wondering if they will EVER get a car.  And I said "I don't think so.  I don't think so at all.  I think they will be thrilled to death to have anything at all and with all you guys have done to it, it's a lot better than 'anything at all'".  I admit, also in the back of my mind, I was thinking that if they didn't like it I would take it and they could drive my car.  At this point I was so excited that I would have been very happy to have a van again.

Just a few more days to go and we will surprise the twins with a great first car that their mother can afford insurance on!  It's like a miracle, you guys!!!

"I have an early birthday present for you guys.  The only thing is you have to share it."

 

She handed them each a key with their name on it.



The light is beginning to dawn on them.

 

They had to take the keys and figure out which car the key worked on.

 

Aaron just had the goofiest smile on his face and he kept saying "This is really nice, I'm not gonna lie."  Andy kept saying "We're gonna be hauling everybody!"



The best news is, it's old enough that they can actually see the motor, ergo they can also learn how to FIX the motor!

 

Paula, being an angel herself, found and married another angel who also happens to know everything there is to know about cars and motors.

Aaron, Paula, Tom, Andy

 

BEST. 16th. BIRTHDAY. PRESENT. EVER!!!!!