SURPRISE!

When my mother died, The Rock Star was 14.

My mother had an old Jeep Cherokee that she had purposely kept for the Rock Star and then his sister to drive.  It was very thoughtful of her to even think of it, considering what she was going through at the time.  She had time to look ahead with her illness, but she was always one to look ahead.

So when the Rock Star turned 16 and got his license, he already had a reliable vehicle that cost very little to insure.  That Jeep Cherokee lasted through him and The Beautiful Redhead both.  It finally met it's maker after it hit a deer, and we were all very sad.

The last few years I've been looking ahead myself, wondering what in the world I would do for the boys to have something to drive.

How would I ever afford to buy them a vehicle in addition to shoes and jeans?  The shoes and jeans for 2 teenage boys are very expensive, in case you don't know.  Savings is hard to add to, when you are buying shoes and jeans every time you turn around.   It's always like "JEANS & SHOES! SHOES & JEANS! MORE JEANS!! NEED SHOES AGAIN!!" in my head for the last couple of years.

What would happen? I wondered this for years, putting back what little I could spare and hoping for a miracle.

As usual, the miracle came from my most wonderful of all step-mothers, the one I kept!   Her name is Paula, and she called me up a few weeks ago and said that she had "happened to run into a girl who had to sell her car that night, for $300", so of course she at least had to go look at it.

After she looked at it she brought her husband to look at it.  He drove it, looked it over,  and gave Paula the high sign to buy it right then and there.

It's a 1994 Dodge (Red) Caravan.  It had a few dents, needed a new bumper, had high mileage, but ran perfectly.  Paula's husband now (thank you again, God for her finding such a wonderful man) pulled out the dents, replaced the bumper, did body work, painted it, put some pin striping on it (silver), redid the carpet and headliner, and as if that wasn't miracle enough, changed all the fluids and replaced all the filters.

I don't know how to say how much this means to me.  For the past several weeks we have had excited, giddy conversations about how it's coming.  Titles and plates and proof of insurance have kept the mailmen busy as they flew from one end of Missouri to the other, and it will be ready when we get down there.  This is a big SURPRISE for the twins, who are convinced they will never be able to have a car at all.  Why would they think that?  Well, because their mother uses reality as a teacher every chance she gets, and has been taking them around to car lots and letting them get a load of how much cars and more importantly, trucks, actually cost.

Paula was going to tell them on the phone, so excited was she that she had not only found a vehicle, but could afford to buy it!!  Her exact words were "Well, I didn't want get it without saying anything, but I"ve never been able to do anything for them and they never ask for anything.  YOU never ask for anything, and I thought it was too good a deal to pass up."

I said "Oh, no, I'm not going to say a word.  This will be your present to them for their 16th birthday, and you will get to surprise them with it when we come down."

She just said "Ooooooohhhh." And I knew she was remembering my mother's Jeep and The Rock Star and Beautiful Redhead's first car. How wonderful is it to through years with the same people and know that there are things they do not have to be told.  To know that you don't have to explain anything because they were there.  They remember it too, and know all the angles, ins, outs, in short, everything.  That's one of the reasons why I think we quit making new friends at a certain point in life: because we just don't want to put the energy into trying to explain all that stuff.  It's exhausting to even think about past the age of about 35, and some of that stuff cannot BE explained in any way that would make sense unless you were there. You know what I mean?  I truly do not know who I would be without this angel, who came to me as a step-mother but stayed on as one of the dearest, best friends I have ever had.  She isn't really old enough to be my mother and we have always had the best relationship.  She is, simply put, worth everything any of us ever went through to get to her.  I never count the costs when it comes to Paula. She is worth it all.  Everything else just fades into the background, compared to her. If I had to live my life without my mother it was a great comfort, to both of us, to know that I would still have Paula.  And that my children would still have Paula.  She has saved us more times than she even knows,  just by being there for us.

Ever since then we have both been so excited we have been floating around like, I don't know, the job rate is down to 3% and America is no longer dependent on foreign oil because we finally just used our own or something!  I mean, we are EXCITED!!!   VERY EXCITED!!!

Our only 2nd thoughts were vocalized by Paula.  "You don't think they will be disappointed that it's a van, do you?" I was quiet.  This thought had occurred to me about the same time as she asked it. I've been embarrassed by my kids turning up their noses at presents before, but not since they were very small.  I would die of mortification if this happened, with Paula, with this miracle.   I thought about it.  I thought about 2 boys who only have learned the hard way that they only have their mother to depend on, who know the value of a dollar, who have to be wondering if they will EVER get a car.  And I said "I don't think so.  I don't think so at all.  I think they will be thrilled to death to have anything at all and with all you guys have done to it, it's a lot better than 'anything at all'".  I admit, also in the back of my mind, I was thinking that if they didn't like it I would take it and they could drive my car.  At this point I was so excited that I would have been very happy to have a van again.

Just a few more days to go and we will surprise the twins with a great first car that their mother can afford insurance on!  It's like a miracle, you guys!!!

"I have an early birthday present for you guys.  The only thing is you have to share it."

 

She handed them each a key with their name on it.



The light is beginning to dawn on them.

 

They had to take the keys and figure out which car the key worked on.

 

Aaron just had the goofiest smile on his face and he kept saying "This is really nice, I'm not gonna lie."  Andy kept saying "We're gonna be hauling everybody!"



The best news is, it's old enough that they can actually see the motor, ergo they can also learn how to FIX the motor!

 

Paula, being an angel herself, found and married another angel who also happens to know everything there is to know about cars and motors.

Aaron, Paula, Tom, Andy

 

BEST. 16th. BIRTHDAY. PRESENT. EVER!!!!!

Goddess of Hellfire Melts......

I am very strong.  Take my word for this.  

At my job, it is my task to keep people from coming in the door unless they have a good reason to.
This means that I am always the one when a salesman comes in the door to stop him, tell him if he has something he wants to leave that will be fine, and give him a name and number to call next time.  This is on the off chance that anyone will see the poor salesman.  Some of these sales men drive for over 2 hours without an appointment or even a good idea of what we do.  It does not put them an intelligent light.  Some just see us and stop and ask.  It is one of the mysteries of life to me why they waste so much time and gas.  The only reason I have ever been able to come up with is "expense accounts".  I think they are pretty much a total waste, but then I don't run a business.  I just admit or turn away people who show up.

I have heard it all, and learned to navigate the waters.  I can anticipate the next angle they will come at me from.  When people ask what my job description is, the most often answer is "Goddess of Hellfire".  Few people, even salesmen, have the chutzpah to counter that, let me tell you.  I've gotten really good at it, over the years.  That's why I was ready when I saw a profusely sweating man, dirty guy missing some teeth headed in my door one day, I was ready.

I stood strong, ready to tell him we did not want whatever he was selling.  Fresh fruit, knock off designer fragrances, solvents or paint. No. No. No and NO.  I girded myself to hear what he had to say.  My first thought was that this was a meth head.  He did look the part.  I chastised myself for being "prejudiced" and waited to see what he was going to pull out and show me.

I learned a little something about myself as soon as he opened his mouth.

He said "I.....I......I.....am a tr......tr......."

And the Goddess of Hellfire melted like a marshmallow.  Yes.  You read that correctly.  Apparently even if you are lost truck driver, sweating profusely at 8:30 am, dirty, missing teeth and looking like a meth-head, I will still be kind to you if you stutter.  I guess that is just the way I am. I turned from a warrior with a sword into a melted marshmallow right there before that poor man's eyes.

I can't help it.  I know I can't.  I patiently listened to him tell me what I already knew, without interruption.  It took a very uncomfortably long time for him to do this.   He had pulled up and was coming in to check in instead of waiting in his truck for our forklift operator to come to him.  It took what seemed like a very, very long time for him to get out his sentence.  But I knew not to interrupt (from reading it somewhere) and so I waited, praying for this man the whole time, feeling about 2 inches tall.  He was just a hard working truck driver who had a schedule to meet.

I can't tell you how badly I felt about my preconceived notions.  Don't get me wrong, had he turned out to be a salesman that "just saw us on the road and stopped" I could have put the armor back on and sent him on his way.  But I think I would have been nicer, because he stuttered, and for some reason that just fills me with empathy.

I guess "prejudice" can work both ways, and neither one of them have anything to do with "fairness".

Something to think about.  Are you prejudiced?  And if so, is that good or bad?  Is there anything you can do about that or are you destined to melt like a marshmallow or grow armor for no logical reason?  Like me? 

Things I Don't Want To Forget.....

We are road tripping to South Missouri today.  Here is something that I wanted to jot down from last week though, just so I don't forget.

The twins' best friend, the boy who I call my 4th son, recently got his driver's license.

He came over very pumped because his step dad had let him drive his truck.  The boys all wanted to go "riding around".  I said that would be fine.  I watched them excitedly climb into the truck and thought how much easier this gets, as a parent.  When my first son got to be this age I think my soul physically left my body to follow him.  I could feel it.  I was so worried and conscious of his being "gone", "out there alone".....what if something happened?  What if he needed me and I wasn't there?  What if I wasn't even thinking of him and therefore missed the psychic warnings all mother's can receive?  I went through hell, but had only myself to blame.  I don't know why I worried so much, certainly no because my oldest son warranted it.  I think all mother's do it, at least with the first one.  We can't help it.  That's just the way it is.

I smiled, sighed, and felt no worry what-so-ever, thinking how much easier this was now, and went in the house to find my book. 

Five minutes later the boys were back, looking dejected.

"What's the matter boys?" I asked.

Fourth son replied "Well, we wanted to go to McDonald's, but there isn't enough gas in the truck and I'm afraid we'll run it out of gas."

They all looked very sad.

"Hmm.  Well, you want to take my car?" I asked.  Their faces all lit up, and my own son's eyes got big.

"You would let us do that???" My youngest baby said, incredulously.  I thought how sad it was to see my own children be so surprised that I would offer this.  I thought about how I wanted to change that.  It's like I got on a certain track, with 4 children, where all the rules were written in stone and now I only had 2 left at home.  My last two, who would never dream that their mean mom would let them take the car.  It broke my heart, and I really don't expect anyone who is not a mother to understand that.  I can't explain it any better either.  Maybe it's time to let that "everything equal" thing slide a little.  Yes.  It felt like time.  It felt right, and it was really such a small thing.

"Well, yeah!  You've got your license, don't you?" I said.

They all jumped up, in joy, I do believe, and then Fourth son asked "How much gas do you have in your car"?  How quickly they learn, I thought, and couldn't help but laugh.  It was a great question, and he had already learned to look ahead and make sure he was prepared.

I laughed and said "Plenty!  And don't worry, I'm fully insured.  Be careful, but don't worry."

"I got insurance on me too, Melinda!" Fourth son exclaimed, on his way to the car with the keys in his hand.  He has always been like a little old man.  Of all the boy's friends, it was always him that would just sit down and start talking to you like an equal.  He is very polite and very open, not intimidated like so many adolescents are.  The first time I ever asked him what kind of bike I should get for the boys he sat down and told me what kind and why, and reminded me of my grandfather talking about Chevrolet cars.  We've been friends ever since!  

They all thanked me and climbed into the car.

There followed a period of adjusting seats, rolling down windows, and most importantly of all, radio selection.  They were very excited.  I think they were seeing their future's rolling out before their eyes, just like I was while I watched them.  My babies are taking the car, and I am not having a heart attack, I thought.  It was surreal, but I knew it was really happening.

I watched them as they carefully pulled out, all the windows down, every boy with one arm out their respective windows.  The car picked up speed, but not too much, and the volume came up, but not too much, and away they went.  Just 3 young men out on the town, seeing what's up and who's out and about.

I thought again how much easier this has gotten.  This time I'm ready.  The first time it sent me into panic and tears.  I tried very hard to hold those years back, to somehow make time stand still.  I failed at that, and did a lot of kicking and screaming and protesting, to no avail.

Now I have given up fights I can't win and learned to go with the flow.  I don't expect it to ever be pain free, but it does get easier.  Practice always makes perfect, if you do it enough.  Letting go can be just as hard as holding on, it's all in the timing.  I think I've finally got it down.