Before Christmas, one of my oldest, dearest friends stopped by. At the end of her visit, she and I were at the top of the stairs that lead into my basement, which has become the man cave and where the twins hang out most of the time. The twins were both at the bottom of the stairs.
She was making her goodbyes when she mentioned something about hoping that Santa came to see the boys. My youngest baby blurts out "Oh, Santa.....the God of the whores."
Both she and I went very still and very carefully did not look at each other.
I said "What? What did you just say?"
He repeats "Santa Claus? Saint Nick? He was the God of the whores, isn't that right?"
We are still both frozen there, not moving. Barely breathing. I am kind of in shock, trying to make sense of these words coming out of my Youngest Baby's mouth while he looks at me with the same expression that he would ask me if I sent lunch money to school with his brother.
So I say "Can you spell that word?" in a desperate bet that I have heard wrong.
My friend is holding her breathe trying not to laugh or change her facial expression in any way. Thank God she was the one this happened in front of! I mean, honestly, when you are a parent you are vulnerable in ways I don't even want to tell you about. They can ruin your life at any moment!! Your mission (and only hope) is to keep them as ignorant of that fact as is humanly possible.
He could not spell that word, and instead of trying he looks at me as if I am stupid (which, I admit I kind of have to give that one to him), and says, "You know, like women.......?"
I say "WHO TOLD YOU THAT??!!! And you should never use that word!!"
And he says "I saw it on The Learning Channel! It was a documentary and it said that St. Nick is the God of the whores because he saved them!"
I do not, at first, believe this. I accuse them of getting around the controls on the computer. Both twins insist that this story is true, Apparently they both watched it but only one was fool enough to open his mouth and reveal what they had learned. So, I Google it:
http://tlc.howstuffworks.com/family/christmas-traditions-around-the-world-ga.htm
And while he is not big on details, he got the gist of it.
Apparently, in Thailand, St. Nick is the patron saint of prostitutes, because he took young girls likely to be sold into prostitution and put them in an abbey instead, where they became nuns. The moral of the story is that St. Nick is not be confused with the God of the whores. I won't even offer any guesses as to whom that might be......... but I would expect he is probably ensconced in Hollywood. In any case, I expect the prostitutes need all the patron saints they can get.
Just a cautionary tale to any parent still under the impression that documentaries are safe and boring. It all depends on the interpretation. You may want to watch with them to clarify points that could be misconstrued. It could save you a very embarrassing scene that, with any luck, will occur in the privacy of your own house with only your trusted friends as witnesses.
We girls laughed for about 20 solid minutes after this, in private, while we railed equally against the Learning Channel and Thailand, in that order. Santa was spared any acrimony.
Another memory made!
Jan 19, 2012
Jan 17, 2012
Conversations with my dog
I recently had this conversation. A couple of times.......
'Dog': "Why do you keep me caged up only on your property?"
Me: "Because I have to keep you safe and I love you!"
'Dog': "But I want to run and be free and make friends and smell everything!!"
Me: "If you ran free you might get hit by a car, or lost. Your friends can visit you here, they know where you live, and as for some of the things you smell.......well, they just aren't good for you and it's my job to keep you safe!"
'Dog': "But I'm big now.......I am a dog.......I am supposed to run free and smell everything. It's the way God made me!"
Me: "Well, that is true, but you are my dog, and I have to pay to get you out of the pound, and that's if you don't get hit by a car and die, and I wouldn't want to have to explain to God why I was so careless with your life. Thank God I got you both fixed. At least that's one thing I don't have to worry about with you dogs!!"
'Dog': "But..............but.............but.................I'm not living a full life......I'm going to die alone. All the other dogs' mothers' let THEM run free and smell everything!!"
Me: "And I certainly hope their mother's have good reasons because God is pretty hard to fool! Besides, someday you will be grown dog and you will have to make your own decisions. I have to keep you safe long enough for that to happen. It's my job to teach you how to make good ones even if I am not here to hit you upside the head with a wooden spoon and keep you on the right track. It does seem to be taking kind of a long time, but we must persevere. I know in my heart that you are a smart dog and you can figure this out."
'Dog': "But..................but...........but..................."
As the 'dog' searches for another argument, I casually put some food out. This distracts his sweet little male brain and the conversation is over. Again.
Until next time.
Ok, maybe it wasn't actually with a dog, maybe it was with a boy. Or two. But Jack and I have had this same conversation without the words.( I can tell by his eyes!) Only with Jack, my actual dog, I know that as long as I let him in and give him food he would rather be there than anywhere else. 'Outside' ceases to be a concern to Jack unless he can see it.
Boys, however, are pretty hard to fool.
Jan 12, 2012
Prayer For The Grieving
While we have had a wonderful winter so far weather-wise, we have lost a lot of people.
Grieving is hard to go through. It's hard to watch people you love go through. This is probably the reason we try to hide it and pretend everything is fine. But what I have been wondering lately is, does grieving, once begun, ever really end?
Oh, sure, you get to the point where you stop crying all the time. Eventually you can even bring yourself to plan your outfit's so that they coordinate again. You have days where you are happy, then you remember your grief and feel immediately guilty. It's not like you're suicidal or anything....... The list goes on of all the ways we convince ourselves that we are "over it". Our hearts are not fooled.
Here is a prayer with a link and a few verses if you or someone you care about has been grieving. We are entering the long, dark winter and I offer you the knowledge that you are not alone in your grief. The sun will shine again, and you will know happiness. It will mean even more to you now that you have known true grief. This is what it is to get older.
Comfort the Grieving
Father, I pray for (name one or more) and others in my circle of family and friends who are grieving...
They're hurting for many reasons, and I ask You to help them through this season of loss. I reach out to You, the Father of compassion and the Source of every comfort, asking You to touch them with Your unfailing love and kindness. Be their God who comforts them as they're going through their struggles, and bring them through the tough things ahead. Come alongside them in their pain, and strengthen them so they'll one day be able to help others who face the same struggles. (2 Corinthians 1:3–4; Psalm 33:22; 1 Samuel 20:14a)
You're close to people whose hearts are breaking, those who are discouraged and have given up hope. May You who see their troubles and grief respond when they cry out. (Psalm 34:18; 10:14a, 17)
When they're hurting, help them find their joy in You, for it's Your joy that will be their strength. Help them to trust You as their God of hope. Fill them with Your joy, peace, and hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Help them experience the love, joy, and peace that are the results of His life in them, no matter what they're going through. (Nehemiah 8:10b; Romans 15:13; Galatians 5:22)
May they sense Your presence in this hour of need. In Jesus' name, Amen.
They're hurting for many reasons, and I ask You to help them through this season of loss. I reach out to You, the Father of compassion and the Source of every comfort, asking You to touch them with Your unfailing love and kindness. Be their God who comforts them as they're going through their struggles, and bring them through the tough things ahead. Come alongside them in their pain, and strengthen them so they'll one day be able to help others who face the same struggles. (2 Corinthians 1:3–4; Psalm 33:22; 1 Samuel 20:14a)
You're close to people whose hearts are breaking, those who are discouraged and have given up hope. May You who see their troubles and grief respond when they cry out. (Psalm 34:18; 10:14a, 17)
When they're hurting, help them find their joy in You, for it's Your joy that will be their strength. Help them to trust You as their God of hope. Fill them with Your joy, peace, and hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Help them experience the love, joy, and peace that are the results of His life in them, no matter what they're going through. (Nehemiah 8:10b; Romans 15:13; Galatians 5:22)
May they sense Your presence in this hour of need. In Jesus' name, Amen.
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